Sometimes it's Best to Keep Quiet and Focus on the Good

I have long debated about writing this post but feel it is time.  Some of my close friends and family know what I have been through but others do not.  Some of them have urged me to be bold and share with everyone what has happened and how I have overcome it.  I do share my story with certain people IF I feel it can help them also but I am cautious about who I share with because of the ramifications to others.


There are a few questions that I had to ask myself:


1. Would it help me to just put it all out there?


2.  Would it help others?


3.  Would it hurt others?


1.  Yes, it has helped me to share the pain of what I have gone through and how I dealt with it and overcame it.  I am not a victim anymore but am victorious!


2.  Yes again, if I see someone who is going through what I went through, I will approach them to share that there is hope and forgiveness is the key along with setting healthy boundaries.


3.  Again yes, it would hurt certain people in my life if they knew the truth.  It could also cause major conflict and damage to these people and to their relationships with certain other parties.  Because I love these people so much, I want to protect them.  I do not want them to go through the pain and also guilt of knowing what happened.  I do not want to see their relationships possibly destroyed.  There is nothing they can do to change what has happened so why cause them that pain?  It is not their fault that bad things happen, they are not responsible for it.  Thus the keeping quiet about it to them.


Here are a few things that I have found helpful in dealing with pain in my life:
~Find someone you can trust to be there for you and who loves you unconditionally (for me it is my husband).
~If the pain is too much to bear, do get some professional help.
~Share your story with those you can trust, it will help lessen the pain over time.
~If and when you feel ready and have overcome it, then reach out to others who are going through something similar and help them through it also so they know they are not alone.
~Set healthy boundaries...this is so important...do not allow the people who hurt you to do it again.  If they are in your life on a regular basis, try to limit contact with them.  You do not need to put up with their abusive and hurtful behavior.  
~If you have children, remember they are watching you and depending on you to protect them also.
*If the person is doing something illegal that is also putting others at risk of being hurt, then you do need to report it to the authorities.

I am a much stronger person for all that I have gone through.  It has also made me more compassionate towards other who have or are going through something similar.  It has made me a better parent because I have learned that I need to give my children the skills needed to protect themselves and help them learn to set healthy physical  and emotional boundaries as well.  I have learned to NEVER hold something against anyone else who is related or close to the person who has hurt me.  Everyone makes their own choices, good or bad, in life and they alone need to be held accountable.  You also cannot change someone.  Some people truly do love to hurt and manipulate others...they are sick.  You have the choice to put up with it or not.  I choose to walk away and not put up with it.  Life is too short to have to deal with badly behaving people who cause you stress.  I choose to focus on what is good and healthy and to spend time with people who are kind hearted, loving and fun.  I have so much that is good in my life and brings me great joy!  I have a wonderful husband who is there for me at all times, 5 great kids (my sons and their wives), an adorable and sweet grandson, my hanai kids, great friends and lots of other positives in my life.  That is my focus!