Thursday, February 27, 2014

Friendship, Betrayal and Broken Trust

One thing I have never understood is how some women will betray a friend in some of the worst ways.

When I am friends with someone, I learn to trust them and will share things with them that I may not want made public.  I will protect their privacy also and will not reveal things that they have shared with me.  I do this for all my friends, male or female.  I care about them and do not want them hurt.  I know it may sound naive of me to expect others to act in the same manner, but that is how I was give people the benefit of the doubt and try to see the good in them and give them a chance.

Recently, several friends have been betrayed by their supposed friends and even family.  The pain that this has caused them is heartbreaking and so unnecessary.  To those people who have done this, watch out...people, including your own children, are watching and the truth about YOU and your character is being exposed by your actions.

All of this has brought back some very painful memories and feeling for me of being betrayed by a few people who I thought were my friends, but it turned out that they were not.  I know that in childhood, people are still growing up and do stupid things in the heat of anger or jealousy...hopefully they learn from it and when they become adults, they stop that kind of behavior and will ask for forgiveness from the person they hurt.  I had one person, who has hurt me deeply as a child, come to me and ask me to forgive them.  It was wonderful to be able to tell them, with an open heart, that I had honestly forgiven them long ago.  It was also wonderful to be able to help them let go of that heavy burden and guilt that they had been carrying around for so long.

It is a whole different ballgame though when it is adults, who should know better, that play these games.  I am appalled at grown women who will twist things that were said and make them into something they were not.  Sometimes, these lies can have a devastating affect.  

I will never forget how I felt when after having my 3 children within a 22 month span, was sharing with someone who I thought was a friend and who Jeff and I had been there for time and time again, about how tired I was with 3 babies at home and that I wished I could go back to work part time after taking a year off instead of full time.  My supervisor and I had even talked about this but there were no part time opening so I was assigned to take over an open full time teaching position at another school after my return from my leave of absence.  I went to sign the contract at the school about a week later only to be told that my "friend" had come in to them and claimed I said I was going to quit my job there if things got too rough.  I had never said anything like that. She then talked them into giving her my job.  She apparently threw quite a fit and went above our supervisor's head also and demanded she get that job that I had already been assigned to.  She was given the job and I was devastated by her betrayal and lies.  I could not believe a friend would lie about something like that and it cost me my job.  I was shaken to the core and had a very hard time trusting people after that. 

I remember being in a class on interpersonal communication shortly after that and we had to do a trust exercise.  I broke into tears.  I could not "trust" enough to do the exercise.  I had no idea at that moment that one of the other people in that class had worked with the person who betrayed me and knew the whole story. Apparently the person who betrayed me must have said things and been talking about it along with other people since I had not said a word about it to anyone outside of my family and my supervisor (who was also very upset with her for pulling that stunt).  Word gets around quickly in that school district.  That person came up to me, gave me a big hug and said "I know that this is about ________ and what she did to you. I'm so sorry. We all (the staff a the school she had worked at before taking my job) think it is rotten and none of us will ever trust her again."

Karma has a way of coming back around at the person who betrays someone like that.  She lost the trust of not only the people she used to work with at the first school, but also lost the trust of everyone in the supervisor's office and many other people in the district.  Word got around about what she had done and the from what I was told, teachers at the new school would not trust her either.  I did not speak about it to anyone in the district after my initial conversation with my supervisor because I was still trying to keep above it and did not want to keep reliving the hurt and pain she caused.  I also never betrayed her trust in me and never shared things that she had told me in confidence that could negatively impact her.

I was given a different position, one that I could have never imagined having and that opened up at the last was part time and one that fit into our family's schedule much better than full time would have.  Thank you God!  It also helped me to grow in different areas of my life and for that I am forever thankful.  The person that hurt me had to live with the consequences of her actions and it was clear when we had inservice meetings or had to be at the same training sessions, that she was basically being shunned by many other people there and that she was not happy with the way her life was going.  She eventually did come to me at one of the sessions and said that she missed our friendship  and wanted things to go back to the way they were.  I told her that I missed the friendship that we had shared also, but that after her betrayal, I could no longer trust her and did not know if I ever would be able to again.  I did forgive her but I knew things would never be able to be back to the fun friendship that we had shared prior to her betrayal of me and my family.  Things continued to be rough for her professionally and personally and from what I was told, she and her husband moved out of the area for a fresh start a few years later.  My husband and I had already moved our family back up here to be closer to family by that time.

I do hope she learned something from all of that.  I hope she learned to never betray a friend again and that nothing is worth lying about to get what you want.  I hope that she was able to grow from this experience and learned how to be a real friend to others.  I hope that she has turned herself around and is having a good and happy life wherever she may be now.  I do not wish her ill will at all...just the opposite, I wish her happiness and all that is good.


Tuesday, February 18, 2014

So Sick of Being Sick

I am home sick yet again.  This year has not gotten off to a good start for me being able to work much.  Between getting sick in January and being out for 3 weeks, my biopsy that took me out for a week (and thank God is was not cancer), and now another round of fever, headache, stuffy and achy head and coughs, I have not been able to put in many days at a job that I love.  I'm just praying that I get over this round of the yucks faster than I did the last time.  I have things to do, places to go and people to spend time with.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day Our Way

                  Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Today is the one day a year where the world goes a bit crazy professing their love for their significant other and men in particular feel the need to pull out all the stops. ;)  Don't get me wrong, I love getting flowers, candy, cookies, jewelry, etc. and I was blessed this morning with a huge heart shaped cookie (shortbread, yum!) and a hilarious card that just "fit" my hubby and my relationship.  It made me laugh out loud and I told Jeff it was the best Valentine's card that he has ever gotten me! :)

Now, I know my hubby well and I know what makes him feel special and appreciated.  I drew a huge heart on our whiteboard and wrote some of the things that I appreciate about him around the border.  I also made him his own batch of large peanut butter cookies...nothing speaks love to that man like cookies!  :D  I'm  going to make one of his favorite dinners and we will have a romantic dinner for two before he has to head out to work.

I know that our Valentine's Day may not sound exciting and super romantic to most people, but that is ok.  I don't need HUGE over the top gestures to know that my hubby loves and appreciates me.  We show each other every day in little ways how much we care.  He surprises me with flowers, donuts, my favorite candy bar, cleans the cat box (a job I despise), sets the coffee maker to automatically turn on in the morning since he knows I am NOT a morning person and would end up spilling coffee grounds all over the place, sets out my vitamins for me every night and always kisses me before he heads out the door to work.  I try to keep him supplied with homemade breads, rolls and cookies because I know how much he loves those things.  I leave fun notes in his lunch box to find at random times "just because", make sure I tell him how much I love and appreciate him, pick up treats for him at the store, do some of the jobs around the house that he is not fond of and will even make him tuna noodle casserole (just for him) because he loves it  (and I can't stand the stuff). ;)  And yes, we are one of those couples that still holds hands after nearly 29 years (next month) of marriage. Now that is true love!


Friday, February 7, 2014

Healing, Happy and Home

 My sweet hubby got me purple tulips to celebrate a clean bill of health.  I was finally able to have the testing done that I have needed since December but was unable to until February due to the whole Obamacare fiasco.  Although the procedure was very painful, and not something I would ever want to repeat, I am happy to know that I do not have cancer.  I am healing and my hubby and good friend Shannon, who was also there with us that day, have been taking good care of me and making sure I do not overdo it. :)  I am so thankful to God first and foremost, the staff at Gritman Medical Center and the Women's Imaging Center for their wonderful and compassionate care, and my friends (the few that we told) and family that were praying for us and supporting us through all of this.  This is the reason that I have not been blogging much...all of this hanging over us had taken a huge toll on me and I did not know if it was something I wanted to "put out there".  It was scary and I had many sleepless nights wondering "what if?"  We also did not want some of our family and friends, who already have enough on their own plates to deal with, to worry about me, so we kept it pretty quiet to try and protect them also.

I woke up to a phone call from our school this morning saying that school was going to be delayed by 2 hours.  When I got up later, this is what greeted me.  I know it does not look like much snow but the roads were slick and dangerous.  Jeff passed by an overturned Semi earlier in the morning on his way back to the shop after work.  I am thankful that I did not need to be out on the roads today.

We have been going through a cold snap with the temperatures down in the negatives so I have been trying to have good nourishing meals that warm us up and stick to your ribs on the menu.  I made a garlic and red wine venison roast with mashed potatoes, gravy and carrot sticks for dinner earlier in the week.  It was so good!  Last night I turned the leftover roast and gravy into stroganoff with onions and served it over homemade mashed potatoes and we again had carrot sticks with it.  For whatever reason, I have also been craving salads and have been having a lot of them with diced avocados and cheese.  I must need fresh tasting veggies too!  Jeff has been more than happy to have salads with homemade croutons (minus the avocado for him) on the menu once more.

 It looks like we have more snow in the forecast and then will have rain.  I am thankful for the moisture because our farmers really need it for their fields.  It seems like just when the concern was getting pretty serious over our lack of moisture (and in a farming community that is a huge worry), God once again delivered and came through reminding us that we need to just put our trust in Him and He will take care of and see us through.


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

An Early Anniversary Surprise

A couple of weekends ago, Jeff and I were given a wonderful gift.  My parents, brothers and my SIL and our kids all got together and sent Jeff and I away for a romantic night at a 4 start hotel in Spokane, WA.  Jeff and I had been trying to get away for years now but weddings, babies, and other family things kept happening that took precedence.

 We stayed at the Davenport Tower which has a Safari theme to it.  The rooms are really nice and the beds are so comfy.  The mattresses are made specifically for the Davenport Hotel Collection and the linens are super soft Italian made.  I know that you can buy the linens and even the mattresses at the Davenport Hotel store.  The rooms all have complementary robes and wonderful soaps, shampoos, conditioners and lotions and boast big marble walk in showers.

I did not get pictures of the lobby but it has gold leafed statues of elephants and a hippo, a tiger, stained glass with giraffes and some wonderful murals and lighting fixtures.  There is a big fireplace in the lobby with comfy chairs and couches that Jeff and I curled up in while sipping on Starbucks coffee.  There is a bar and restaurant right there and it seemed to be very popular with the young professional crowd. This hotel also has a nice pool and workout areaIt is right down town within walking distance of Riverpark Square and lots of fun restaurants.

We had such a great time shopping, going out to eat, enjoying the spa area and just the two of us and came back refreshed and ready to face the week ahead.  Thank you to our wonderful family for making this possible!  It was a much needed and appreciated break from the craziness that has been our lives lately.