Tuesday, September 1, 2020
I Realized I Need a Major Attitude Adjustment
Yesterday everything came to a head and I realized that something had to change. Between my anxiety and yes, downright anger, at all that was going on in the world around me, I found myself becoming the worst part of me. I was quickly becoming someone that I did not like, appreciate or even want to be around for any length of time. I felt like I could either break into tears at any moment or snap at my husband who definitely did not deserve it. It is not his fault that the world and our country is going down a very scary and dark path and it is not mine either. Neither of us can control the wickedness of others who think it is perfectly fine and justified to hunt down and kill innocent people, burn and loot communities, and hold up rapists and people who commit horrible and violent crimes as "heros" while vilifying, shooting and otherwise attacking and trying to seal officers into a building with quick drying cement and burn them alive. We also have no control over the selfishness of the college students who have returned to our area, and who's classes are all online, that are partying like crazy people, sharing covid-19 with each other and causing our infection rates to skyrocket. Due to their behavior, businesses are having to go back to further restrictions once more and all the hard work that most of us have done for months and some businesses are having to shut their doors for good. Yes, it makes me very angry, frustrated, sad, and depressed. I had to come to a place where I realized that there is NOTHING that I can do to change any of this and all I can do is try to make my home as safe and calm as possible. This is my haven and I have to create and see it as thus and not feel "trapped" here by forces outside of my control.
I turned on YouTube and visited with some of my favorite vloggers to get inspiration and to help calm my troubled spirit and mind. I find so many amazing people who are creating just what I long to...a peaceful and productive home. I first visited The Elliott Homestaed. They actually live about 3 hours west of me and have created an amazing home life filled with gardens, farm animals, beautiful children, love, laughter, good food and have stripped their physical home back to the bones and returned it to a beautiful farmhouse once more after decades of remodeling which left if looking more cookie cutterish. She inspired me to try making homemade herb salts and roasted cherry tomatoes preserved in olive oil this week. I have everything I need here and was looking for ways to preserve our cherry tomatoes and herbs beyond just drying or freezing them.
My next stops were to Girl in Calico and Fairland Cottage. Both of these women focus on living a slower paced life and really taking in and appreciating every moment whether it be taking walks and gathering things from nature to decorate their home with, baking, working in their garden and preserving that harvest, or taking care of themselves by sitting down to a freshly brewed cup of tea and lighting a few candles and just "being still" for a while to rest and revive their souls. Their videography is amazing and I find myself coming away from a "visit" with them much calmer and appreciative of all that I also have been blessed with and many ideas on how to implement some of the things they do to create their world that I can also do in mine.
All of them inspired me to get out my beautiful planner that Heather got me for my birthday and start writing down recipes that I want to try, projects that I want to take on and also building in time for rest and relaxation. I also made it a point to tell myself that due to my own limitations with age, health issues and such, that whatever I did not accomplish one day could wait until them next for the most part and not to let my lists and plans be so rigid that they could not be changed. Life happens and I need to be able to roll with it and not be thrown by it if that makes any sense at all.
This morning I got up way earlier than usual after very little sleep. Midgy was sprinting up and down the halls and yowling at the top of her lungs. She wanted attention and to be let out onto the screened in porch. Instead of continuing to scold her in vain and hoping that she would finally calm down, I got up and let both cats out. I made the decision to just stay up and start my day in hopes that I would be able to fall asleep earlier tonight. Coffee was started and so was the first load of laundry. I washed off the back porch table and chairs that were covered with dust and soot due to harvest and a big field fire we had a few hills over from us. Once the coffee was done, I was able to sit down and enjoy the peacefulness and cool of the morning before the noise and heat of the day come on and start to take their toll on me. I don't deal with either very well sadly. I purposly did not look at my news feed on the computer, check in with facebook or anything like that. I can do that later, but for now, I am going to finish my coffee while the second load of laundry is now in the washer and the first load is in the dryer and then get dressed for the day and head out into the gardens to do some harvesting before I start on my baking and some wonderful culinary projects.