Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Perfect Storm and then the Crash

   It was good while it lasted.  I was able to push through for a long time but then the storm clouds of life gathered, the "clouds" got way too filled up with things and the "sky" opened up.  

   July 9th is always a hard day for me.  My birthday is the 8th of July and my grandmother's was the 9th.  We celebrated together for many years and we had a very special connection.  Yesterday was the first day that I was able to celebrate quietly without being sad about not having her here.  Then a few minutes after midnight, I wished her a happy heavenly birthday and still could not sleep.  Shortly after that, I learned that a friend had died on the 3rd of July.  The heaviness that I felt in my heart and in my body was overwhelming.  I finally was able to drift off to sleep around 3 in the morning.

   My body feels like lead today.  I had to drag myself out of bed around 12:30 p.m. and believe me, I would have much preferred to just stay there but the fur babies needed my attention.  I got the coffee going and upon trying to pour myself a cup, I struggled to just lift the 4 cup pot.  Walking is painful, moving is painful and I look like a sloth with arthritis.

   Jeff got up shortly after that and took one look at me and knew...  He told me that I was going to stay put and not do anything for the rest of the day.  He headed out to pick more cherries off the tree and I got a snack.  All I could manage was cheese and crackers that required little to no effort on my part.

   I thought after awhile that I might be able to get something done, so I slowly made my way outside and down 3 stairs to the backyard so I could pick some raspberries.  Two raspberries in and I could barely lift my arms again.  Plan "B" came into play at this point.  I got the hot tub heating up to 94F so that Jeff and I could hot tub in about an hour.  It is a hottish day outside, so that is the perfect temperature to keep us cooler but not chill us down too  much so my muscles cramp up.  I may end up taking an adult beverage out with me when I hot tub.  Pain meds don't touch this kind of pain for me but alcohol will take the edge off enough sometimes so that I am no longer nauseous from the pain.  

   Life with Fibromyalgia is unpredictable.  When I have my family here, I push through and put all my energy into being fully present with them.  It is exhausting, but worth it to me.   The minute they leave though, I find myself in bed for the most part.  Some days I am able to accomplish some tasks around the house and I feel really proud of myself for having done so.  Today is NOT one of those days.  Today is a crash day, and a pretty bad one at that.  I am praying it is just a day long and not a week long or more crash.  I have a wedding to go to on Saturday and then we head to Montana on Sunday.  Car rides are not fun when I am in severe pain.  Hoping I can get a good night's sleep tonight and feel better in the morning.



  1. Sorry for the loss of your friend.
    Happy birthday.

    Take care and feel better. Sleep tight.

  2. Even after all this time with CFS, it baffles me that when I over do things I can't sleep. Such a weird condition. I don't often have pain although I do get headaches that don't quit. I hope the hot tub and beverage helped. I am so sorry you are in crash mode. Be gentle with yourself. Sending prayers.

  3. I am sorry and you had such a good week last week. But I guess this is what you get.... have to pay the piper. Dang piper!


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