Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Perfect Storm and then the Crash
It was good while it lasted. I was able to push through for a long time but then the storm clouds of life gathered, the "clouds" got way too filled up with things and the "sky" opened up.
July 9th is always a hard day for me. My birthday is the 8th of July and my grandmother's was the 9th. We celebrated together for many years and we had a very special connection. Yesterday was the first day that I was able to celebrate quietly without being sad about not having her here. Then a few minutes after midnight, I wished her a happy heavenly birthday and still could not sleep. Shortly after that, I learned that a friend had died on the 3rd of July. The heaviness that I felt in my heart and in my body was overwhelming. I finally was able to drift off to sleep around 3 in the morning.
My body feels like lead today. I had to drag myself out of bed around 12:30 p.m. and believe me, I would have much preferred to just stay there but the fur babies needed my attention. I got the coffee going and upon trying to pour myself a cup, I struggled to just lift the 4 cup pot. Walking is painful, moving is painful and I look like a sloth with arthritis.
Jeff got up shortly after that and took one look at me and knew... He told me that I was going to stay put and not do anything for the rest of the day. He headed out to pick more cherries off the tree and I got a snack. All I could manage was cheese and crackers that required little to no effort on my part.
I thought after awhile that I might be able to get something done, so I slowly made my way outside and down 3 stairs to the backyard so I could pick some raspberries. Two raspberries in and I could barely lift my arms again. Plan "B" came into play at this point. I got the hot tub heating up to 94F so that Jeff and I could hot tub in about an hour. It is a hottish day outside, so that is the perfect temperature to keep us cooler but not chill us down too much so my muscles cramp up. I may end up taking an adult beverage out with me when I hot tub. Pain meds don't touch this kind of pain for me but alcohol will take the edge off enough sometimes so that I am no longer nauseous from the pain.
Life with Fibromyalgia is unpredictable. When I have my family here, I push through and put all my energy into being fully present with them. It is exhausting, but worth it to me. The minute they leave though, I find myself in bed for the most part. Some days I am able to accomplish some tasks around the house and I feel really proud of myself for having done so. Today is NOT one of those days. Today is a crash day, and a pretty bad one at that. I am praying it is just a day long and not a week long or more crash. I have a wedding to go to on Saturday and then we head to Montana on Sunday. Car rides are not fun when I am in severe pain. Hoping I can get a good night's sleep tonight and feel better in the morning.