Monday, January 14, 2019
Sometimes Things Get Worse Before They Get Better
Sometimes life is going along and you think you are doing better but then things get worse for awhile. This is so true when you are going through counseling. I really thought that I was doing better and even felt more positive and then WHAM...
My anxiety, OCD and depression hit me head on again and hard this past week. The positive though is that I was able to get it under control and work my way through the multiple panic attacks, so that is progress. I could not figure out why I was having nightmares along with all of the above yet again. I have been spending time filling my "love tank" with my grandkids and my kids who live near us. I have actually been able to go on a few short walks with the baby since the weather had been Spring like until it turned again within the past few days. We have run into friends that I love and adore and shared hugs with them. Our Chris and Heather got moved into their new home and had us over for dinner...so why am I having so much trouble again???
I talked to my counselor today and she gave me the answer...it is because I am facing things that I have not wanted to deal with for so long and it is bringing up lots of anxiety. She said it was a good thing though because that means I am actually doing the work that needs to be done to learn to cope with my past and move on from it. For so long I have just "stuffed" things away and put on a smiling and strong front. I do have some great coping skills in some areas, but there are other areas where I still need to work on.
Because of this, my energy is still drained and it makes it hard to concentrate on things like blogging, reading other friends' blogs, and even spending time with friends in person. My "sensory overload" seems to be on hyperspeed right now so being around a lot of people, too much noise, bright lights and trying to form thoughts and transfer them to paper or reply or even do much reading is proving to be very difficult. This in turn makes my anxiety ramp up and that makes my Fibromyalgia flares even worse.
I trust that in time, the counseling will help me cope with not only my illness, but also with things in my past that research shows has a strong correlation to WHY I may have Fibromyalgia. I've had symptoms since I was a kid, so this goes way back before we were able to connect the dots to figure out what was going on. Counseling will not "cure" my Fibromyalgia, but it will help me deal with things in my life and also help me accept and maybe even love who I am now.