Wednesday, September 20, 2017
The Sudden Loss of a Loved One
Yesterday about mid morning, while trying to get things caught up around the house, I could not shake the feeling that someone I loved had passed away. It was that little nudging that I have felt many times before. I kept waiting for the phone to ring with bad news.
After I got everything done that I needed to, I checked the local obituaries online and the local news sites to see if I could find anything there. There was nothing. I still could not shake that feeling though. Then came the phone call. My son Chris called and asked if I had been on Facebook yet. I told him that I had not. He then delivered the bad news...our dear friend M, who is part of our hanai family (and is actually a distant relative of mine we discovered while discussing genealogy), had been killed just hours earlier, mid morning, in a car accident. 😪 M and his wife C, are like grandparents to my kids. Their daughter R is like a sister to me and her girls are like my own kids and sisters to my boys. R is a second mom to my boys. C is one of my most beloved friends and so is M. I was devastated. Then came the second call within minutes of Chris' call. It was R and she was clearly in shock. As soon as I heard her voice I told her that I had just heard about her father and that I was so very sorry. R and I have been through so much together and have always been there for one another. I reassured her that I would be here for her through this too. She told me her plans to drive up here from California and to pick her oldest daughter up in Oregon along the way and that she was getting ready for her and her youngest daughter to leave. I told her I loved her and would see her soon. I then called C, her mother, to check on her.
Grief is a strange thing. While R was in shock and numb, C was also in shock, but was filled with nervous energy trying to take care of all the details and let family know before they heard it from others. I asked her if she needed me to do anything for her and she asked me to tell my boys about what happened. I did what she asked, letting my boys know and passing on the information that she gave me. She had other family with her, so I know that she would not be alone. I suspect that last night, when she was finally able to sit down, that it would sink in and she would then fall apart.
My boys, Chris and Josh, started changing plans so they could be here for the family and for their "sisters". Chris cancelled a fishing trip and Josh made arrangements with my parents to borrow their truck and drive directly over here after he landed tomorrow in Kalispell, MT while on leave. My mom even offered to drive Josh over if he was too tired. My mom loves R and the girls and they hold a very special place in her heart. I was not able to talk to Jaysn, who was at work, but I did talk to Rachel and she said to let them know what they could do to help. I messaged both of R's girls telling them I was so sorry, loved them and was waiting here with open arms to give them both big hugs and lots of love. I got a reply back from one of them...she said "Thank you Mama".
Late last night, I could not sleep. I got a message in the early morning hours from R. She and her youngest daughter had made it to Weed, California and were stopping there to get some sleep before heading up to Oregon in the morning to pick up her oldest girl and then head home. My heart ached for her. She is exhausted and is not dealing well with the loss of her father. I don't think I would be either if I were in her shoes. I am trying to be strong for all of them and not break down. My sweet Rachel did hear me break down once though when she asked how I was doing. I cried and asked her to please keep everyone in her prayers.
This morning I am the one running around with nervous energy. I have so much to get done since R and the girls arrive later this afternoon or evening and I need to be available to them. Josh is coming over Thursday, so I need to have his room ready. I still have my normal "to do" list with lots of produce that needed to be processed and laundry to be done. My fibromyalgia is flaring and my neck and shoulder muscles feel like they are on fire but I need to just push through. This is family we are talking about and if you know me, family always comes first. You do whatever you have to do to help and then you can fall apart later. We are still planning on going over to Montana on Saturday to spend time with my parents and brother, along with Josh, but the timing on that depends on if the funeral is that day. If it is Sunday, then we will not be able to make it to the funeral, but will spend time with everyone before that. It is also important for us to spend time with my parents and M's sudden passing away just drives that point home more and more.
I don't know if I will have much time to blog for about a week. Between this, going to Montana, then returning home and spending more time with Josh before he and Chris fly back to Washington DC so they can spend a week together there, I just don't know how things are going to go. Right now I need to take care of my family and spend time with all of them. Our tomorrow is not guaranteed and every day is a gift.
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and yours and to M's family. God bless and keep you all.ReplyDelete
Family comes first - so do what you need to for them. Worry about nothing else.
God will get you through this and you will be re-united someday. Take care friend and HUGS!
Thank you so much Cheryl. I'll be seeing them all tomorrow and my Josh will also be arriving some time in the late afternoon/evening to be with them too.Delete
I had a good visit on the phone with my parents today and am looking forward to seeing them also when we go over this weekend. All this, along with the ugly extended family situation has made me need time with my parents and brother who also lives with them. Thank you for the hugs too...much appreciated and needed right now.
I am so sorry you have been through so much. I will keep you in my prayers.ReplyDelete
Thank you...I really do appreciate that and hope to be able to come visit your blog again soon. I hope your mother is doing well.Delete
So very sorry for your loss...
Lean on God to help you help his loved ones through this time of grief.
Thank you Billie Jo...I need HIS strength every day. Be blessed. :)Delete
Sad. I will be praying!ReplyDelete
Thank you for your prayers Chrissy. I do appreciate them and you.Delete
I'm sorry that you have to go through another hard thing. It sounds like you had quite a bit on your plate for the upcoming weekend, without this extra thing. I'm sure you are glad to be able to be there for the family, though. I know you will be praying, as I often have, that God will give you the strength to do all that you need to do, and get through all you need to bear during this time. Because they need comfort now, not later when you have time, it's only God's strength that will get your through. So, I'll pray for you that you will have extra strength, freedom from your chronic pain, and wisdom to know what to say to each person. Also, that you would be able to have joy with the people who you get to see, even through this very tough time, and that you will be able to do the grieving you need to do through it all. Hang in there. You've been hit with more than your share this month, but you will get through it. I wish you were closer so I could bring over a casserole!ReplyDelete
Becky, you are so very sweet. (((((HUGS)))) I am so blessed to have you and so many other wonderful people lifting not only me, but all that are grieving right now. I know that they too would be here for me in my time of need because they are part of the family that God brought into my life so many years ago and mean the world to myself, my husband and my kids. Be blessed my friend. :)Delete
I, too, am just so sorry for your loss. There really are no words, only prayer helps ease the pain. Hug those you love. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.ReplyDelete
I'm sorry Debbie. I'll be praying you feel peace and calm so you have the strength to help your loved ones.ReplyDelete
Hi Debbie, I've been away from the blog world,because things have been busy around here, but I've read this and I had to say that I'm so sorry for your loss and the loss of your friend's family. It's so sad... I've lost both of my parents and it's so hard... But I know that God is looking at all of M.'s family and friends and will give all of you the strenght you need.ReplyDelete
I'll be praying for you and his daughter and wife. Be strong and God bless you.
Oh Debbie I am so sorry to hear about this. Please take care of yourself. You and your family will be in my prayers. XXX OOOReplyDelete
Father God, please bring comfort as only you can by your Holy Spirit. Jesus, bring people to salvation. Father, please provide for every need. Comfort them in their grief. I ask it all in Jesus' name. Amen.ReplyDelete
Hugs to you dearie!
I'm so sorry to hear the news; I know your friends and family will appreciate you being there for them. Be strong for them. (((HUGS)))ReplyDelete