The Next Chapter In My Life

 

   Some days my heart just hurts.  I see people that I care about dealing with things that are just unimaginable to me.  With mass layoffs, I know that there is a good chance that some of my friends, and even some of my family, may lose their jobs and even their homes.  The rising costs of groceries is another huge concern. 

 

   Recently, I gave someone the benefit of the doubt.  I thought they had truly changed and turned over a new leaf upon a crisis in the family.  I was there to support them every step of the way.  I am now feeling like a total fool for having believed that they had changed.  Their actions have shown me otherwise. You would think I would have learned my lesson since I have gone through this numerous other times.  My problem is that I feel bad for anyone hurting, even if they have hurt me in the past.  I also believe in giving second chances and that people are capable of changing.  Some really do, and others...well, maybe not.

   I talked to my baby brother yesterday.  He works for Microsoft and with this latest round of layoffs, I messaged him to check on him and make sure he was ok.  He survived this last round yesterday, but many of his co-workers did not.  He said it was brutal (his words, not mine).  He is hoping he will survive the next round.  He has gone through this 4 times now within this company.  He and I talked about what his plan was, just in case the worst happens.  He is 7 years younger than I am and we were exceptionally close growing up.  My mom and I used to joke that he was my baby because I was like a little mother to him.  I still feel that way in a sense.

   As I worry about the cost of groceries going up here and having to seriously consider every item that I am buying while trying to continue to build a "cushion" in my pantry, I realize that we are not facing the insane prices that some others are.  One of my friends in Hawaii told me they are paying $12 for a dozen eggs and $15 for a gallon of milk.  They were already living on the edge financially.  They have moved to a smaller and cheaper apartment and cut costs to the bone within the past few years.  How they are going to afford groceries is just beyond me. 

   Yes, I am a "worrier."  I am also an empath who feels other's pain deeply.  I know, I know, some of you reading this are going to say that since there is nothing I can do about it, I need to just let it go.  Well, that is not something that I am able to do.  Seriously, I really can't.  I wish I could, but that is not how I am "wired" and honestly, even though I can't seem to just let things go, maybe, by being able to do that, I would lose some of the best parts of who I am.  I'm an extremely loyal person who is fiercely protective of those I love.  I feel deeply for others and am very nurturing.  I root for the "underdogs" and the people who are sometimes pushed to the side.  I am compassionate, sometimes to my own detriment.  But, and there is always a but isn't there...this is who I am.  I am not going to change and I am okay with that.  I'd rather be this way than not. So I will pray for all those I love and for others that are going through things that are very hard.  I will check in with those going through tough times.  I will let them know that I am here for them and have an ear to listen if they need to talk.  I will do all I can within my power to help, because that is who I am and what I can do.