A HUGE Thank You!

 

   I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to all of you who commented, prayed for and/or held our family in your thoughts after the recent passing of Jeff's mother.  I know it has taken me awhile to get back on here, but I was and still am totally "beat up" emotionally by the whole mess.  When I have to deal with complicated relationships and emotions, it takes me awhile to work through them.

   Last night Jeff and I were talking and I shared with him that although he was able to process things faster than I was because he could see the truth of it all (yes, that man is super smart and can separate his emotions from a situation to see the big picture), it took me a lot longer to reach that point.  It was only when we were talking that I finally realized that my deep empathy for others when they were hurting, no matter how much they had hurt those I love and myself, can be a huge curse at times.  I told Jeff that there is something deep within me that feels like I have to try everything I can to "fix it" and bring people back together again.  Jeff interrupted me and said "you did".  That stopped me dead in my tracks because it made me realize that although I tried everything, the other parties continued their bad and hurtful behavior.  There was and is nothing I can do to "fix it" and to continue to try and to do so is just insanity on my part.

   Without going into all the sordid details of this whole mess and the battle taking place between "the others", of which we want no part, suffice it to say that all of this has triggered a rather bad "fibro flare" along with some of my PTSD symptoms.  My pain levels have shot up (fibro), my emotions have been all over the place, there are times that I have no energy and am depressed, sad, angry and strangely relieved.  I have withdrawn from all but family and a few close friends who are going through a lot themselves and need support, and am avoiding other people for the most part because I need to heal too.  My energy needs to go into those I love and the running of my home.

   I realize that it may take awhile to fully heal and that it is possible that I may never get to that point.  I think there may always be an element of hurt and betrayal from all the years of pure hell that "the others" put us through.  I also know that I need to "shut the door" on that chapter of our lives and move on.  Easier said than done, but I am trying.

   Again, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your outpouring of love, support, prayers and good thoughts.  I am praying for your situations too and I am so sorry for all that some of you have gone through.   ((((((HUGS)))))