This Grammie is running low on spoons. No, not literal spoons, but metaphorical spoons, as in "spoon theory". If you are not familiar with spoon theory, it is a term that a wonderful woman came up with to explain to her friend what it was like to have a debilitating illness that severely limits your energy and the choices that you have to make daily on how to use what little energy you have. Here is a link to explain it: spoon theory .
I knew I had been pushing myself beyond my limits and I knew that I was going to end up paying for it sooner or later. I have been trying to help Jaysn and Rachel with baby Steven while they finish getting moved and still trying to keep my own home running smoothly. Couple that with being in lots of pain that is not allowing me to sleep, my normal insomnia, and you have a recipe for disaster.
The last time I looked at the clock last night after crawling into bed and trying to get to sleep for hours it was 4 a.m.. According to my Fitbit, I finally feel to sleep about 4:30 ish. I got a total of 25 minutes of deep sleep and a little over 4 hours of light, deep and REM sleep combined, most of that was light sleep which is not the restorative sleep that all of us need. This meant that I had less "spoons" then normal to work with for the day and choices had to be made on how to use those spoons. In spoon theory, you need to try to always keep a "spare spoon" because you never know when you may need it.
Most days I figure I have about 10 spoons to start with. Today that number would be about 6 at the very most. Taking a shower and washing my hair used up one of those spoons and was exhausting and painful. I decided that blow drying it was NOT going to happen today because that would use up another spoon and I was not sure I could even do it. Getting dressed took a spoon also so now we are down to 4 spoons left. My husband needed bread for sandwiches, so I made 2 loaves of bread...there went another spoon. Steven and Rachel were coming up later so she could do laundry, so I needed to sweep the floors...yep, another spoon spent. So we are sitting at 2 spoons left for the day and it is only 12:42 p.m.. Remember it is imperative that I keep 1 spoon in reserve, so that means I have only 1 spoon left for the rest of the day. I need to choose wisely on how I use that spoon. Do I use it cutting up a bunch of fruit or do I use it to play with my grandson later? I'm sure you know which I will choose because family always comes first with me. I just hope that I am able to play with him because right now I am hurting so badly and feeling like I have nothing left to give to anyone. I foresee a weekend spent in my recliner or bed for the most part to rest and recharge a bit.
I totally understand those nights with little quality sleep.
ReplyDeleteJust remember kiddo - your hair will dry on it's own - you need not look 'perfect'. Bread can be purchased. Kids don't need to see Mom's house all perfect and clean.
On really bad days - pick your spoons'!!!!
Take care and get some rest.
Thanks Cheryl, I have not blow fried my hair in days and I am just fine with that. ;) We don't have a store here in town to buy bread so it had to be made. The joys of living out in the boonies. ;) I do have to sweep or vacuum daily because Steven picks up everything (including dog hair) and puts it in his mouth at this stage of his life. So yes, I am picking my spoons. Be blessed my friend!
DeleteSpoon Theory was a game changer for me! It helped me start to manage my energy better and also helped explain my reality to others. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteI've had an 'In' day today after 3 medical appointments this week (one was for MrDog). Yea for dvds! Will do the same tomorrow and Sunday. Don't even have the energy to read.
Cheering you on. SJ
HI SJ, I hope you have gotten some rest by now and are feeling better. I understand about not even having the energy to read. Those days I watch reruns of Friends or a movie that I have seen many times so that I can actually follow what is going on. How is MrDog doing?
DeleteI'm going to check out that spoon theory. Maybe it can help me during recovery.
ReplyDeleteBe blessed,
Laura of Harvest Lane Cottage
Please do Laura, it really does help not only you, but also those around you understand that you have very limited energy and have to pick and choose how to use it. Praying for you as you recover my friend! (((((HUGS))))
DeleteI wish you lived close by. I would come sweep your floors. I'm sure your family doesn't care if you don't sweep or make bread. Take all weekend resting. Go in the hot tub and try to sleep.
ReplyDeleteThank you. :) I'm really trying to rest as much as I can this weekend. Tonight we will be hot tubbing! ;)
DeleteDebbie, I agree with Cheryl, above, who said to choose your spoons wisely. I know you want to do your best for your family and save money, as well, but, you need to pick and choose to conserve your energy. Can you buy some bread and keep in the freezer for those days when you are not up to baking bread? Or, maybe even have some frozen bread dough on hand so all you have to do is let the dough thaw and rise and then, bake? Could you ask Rachel to sweep and have Steven stay in his stroller until the floor is swept? Or, could a quilt be spread on the floor for Steven to play on while Rachel sweeps the floor? What can you do to conserve your energy? Are there any "short cuts" you can take to make it easier on yourself? Said with love, because I care.
ReplyDeleteHi Bless, thank you and I do know that you care. I do have Jeff pick up bread on his way home from work some days but he really prefers my homemade bread. I am going to start making extra loaves on the days that I feel good and keep some in the freezer for him. I'm sure Rachel would sweep for me if I asked, I just have a hard time asking. ;) She is great about offering though. She is taking me down to Costco with her this week to do some shopping for things we need there. This is a huge time and energy saver for both Jeff and I. :)
DeleteI like the idea of spoon theory a lot, Debbie. Being able to identify how many spoonfuls of energy we have to start with and then prioritising what to use up those spoons on. I guess there's a lot we do each day that we could expend spoons on but that might not be important or necessary or bring joy to us. Maybe on those days when you have more spoons, you could use a couple of spoons preparing for the days with less. Baking bread for the freezer sounds like a good idea for days like that. Meg:)
ReplyDeleteThanks Meg. I do try to plan ahead for days when I am low on spoons. I am hoping to get some more quick fix meals made and frozen also so that I can just pull them out of the freezer, thaw and heat. I also need to learn how to use my Instant Pot more.
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