Friday, April 13, 2018
When Grammie is Running Low on Spoons
This Grammie is running low on spoons. No, not literal spoons, but metaphorical spoons, as in "spoon theory". If you are not familiar with spoon theory, it is a term that a wonderful woman came up with to explain to her friend what it was like to have a debilitating illness that severely limits your energy and the choices that you have to make daily on how to use what little energy you have. Here is a link to explain it: spoon theory .
I knew I had been pushing myself beyond my limits and I knew that I was going to end up paying for it sooner or later. I have been trying to help Jaysn and Rachel with baby Steven while they finish getting moved and still trying to keep my own home running smoothly. Couple that with being in lots of pain that is not allowing me to sleep, my normal insomnia, and you have a recipe for disaster.
The last time I looked at the clock last night after crawling into bed and trying to get to sleep for hours it was 4 a.m.. According to my Fitbit, I finally feel to sleep about 4:30 ish. I got a total of 25 minutes of deep sleep and a little over 4 hours of light, deep and REM sleep combined, most of that was light sleep which is not the restorative sleep that all of us need. This meant that I had less "spoons" then normal to work with for the day and choices had to be made on how to use those spoons. In spoon theory, you need to try to always keep a "spare spoon" because you never know when you may need it.
Most days I figure I have about 10 spoons to start with. Today that number would be about 6 at the very most. Taking a shower and washing my hair used up one of those spoons and was exhausting and painful. I decided that blow drying it was NOT going to happen today because that would use up another spoon and I was not sure I could even do it. Getting dressed took a spoon also so now we are down to 4 spoons left. My husband needed bread for sandwiches, so I made 2 loaves of bread...there went another spoon. Steven and Rachel were coming up later so she could do laundry, so I needed to sweep the floors...yep, another spoon spent. So we are sitting at 2 spoons left for the day and it is only 12:42 p.m.. Remember it is imperative that I keep 1 spoon in reserve, so that means I have only 1 spoon left for the rest of the day. I need to choose wisely on how I use that spoon. Do I use it cutting up a bunch of fruit or do I use it to play with my grandson later? I'm sure you know which I will choose because family always comes first with me. I just hope that I am able to play with him because right now I am hurting so badly and feeling like I have nothing left to give to anyone. I foresee a weekend spent in my recliner or bed for the most part to rest and recharge a bit.