Ever since then, I have been reevaluating relationships in my life. It has caused me to look at how certain relationships affect me. Are they healthy? If they are causing me stress, why is that and is it something that can be worked through? Is the relationship something that I even want to save and continue with? Is a friend going through a rough time right now and needs my support? Have they been there for me when I needed them or have they not cared or not had time for me when the shoe is on the other foot? In some cases, do they even want to make their lives better or do they continue to play the victim card? Lest I sound like most of my friendships are unhealthy or strained, please let me reassure you (and myself) that most are healthy, but there are a few that definitely are not and are being "pruned" from my life. 😉
Recently I have had to learn to just "let it be" with a few friendships and a few I had to completely walk away from. One of my friends struggles with drug addiction. She has had a rough life and recently hit rock bottom and was arrested by my son of all people. 😥 My heart aches for her and I have tried to be as supportive as I can. She knows that I love her. She is making choices though that I cannot support and that I can see may end up killing her. I have tried to offer suggestions and get her help, but she continues to make the choice to go back to unhealthy relationships with people that she cannot be around if she wants to stay clean. I just have give her up to God and let it be at this point. I cannot save her from herself. Another friend also is making unhealthy choices and no amount of love and support from others will change her life until she realizes that she is worthy of being loved and valued for her and until she makes some choices to change her life for the better. Sometimes I think she has played the victim for so long that she is comfortable there because it gets her attention. Lots of people have offered her advice, support, and physical things to make her life easier, but she does not follow through and that leaves people frustrated with her, myself included. This is another case of "let it be". The ones that I have walked away from are the ones where the person has just been downright unkind, uncaring, and has no regard for my feelings or the feelings of others. They are the people who use people to get what they want and then discard them. They are the manipulators and I have no time or room for that in my life.
I can now look back and see how much time and energy I have invested in people who I really should not have. I have been deeply hurt and betrayed by some of them. Others, I still love but I can't help them because they refuse to do what they need to to to help themselves. My energy is limited and I am choosing to continue to invest in relationships with people that I love and care about and who love and care about me back. Some of those people are going through horrible times in their lives right now and I will continue to be there for them because I know that they are the kind of people that are also there for me when I need them. My relationships with them are deep, real and reciprocal.
It has taken me this long in my life to finally get to a point where I am setting healthy boundaries for myself and learning to walk away or "let it be" from unhealthy relationships and not feel guilty about doing so. This is a HUGE milestone for me in my own healing and one that I am so thankful for. I am also so grateful to my friends and family that have helped me get to this point. Many of those friends are you, the friends that I have made through this blog who have prayed for, encouraged and shared your own stories with me. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to grow and learn when to walk away and when to just let it be. I am forever grateful for you.