tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post3434475775002878920..comments2024-03-16T10:18:51.784-07:00Comments on The Next Chapter In My Life: Learning When to Let It BeDebbiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-59082915867669952972017-02-12T12:41:33.630-08:002017-02-12T12:41:33.630-08:00Thank you Bless. That has always been a hard thin...Thank you Bless. That has always been a hard thing for me to do. My role has been the "caretaker" for most of my life. I am slowly learning though. ;) I hope you are having a very nice weekend!Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-82206580487587428192017-02-12T12:39:54.299-08:002017-02-12T12:39:54.299-08:00((((((HUGS))))) SJ. I'm sorry you have gone th...((((((HUGS))))) SJ. I'm sorry you have gone through this too. It hurts. I think your internal barometer is something that you do need to listen to. I had to bow out for awhile with a friend that just overwhelmed me with her negativity. We are in contact again and I love her dearly, but I have set some healthy boundaries there for my own sanity. It sounds like you are in the same position. Be blessed my friend and take care of you!Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-81939531402247920382017-02-12T01:52:10.592-08:002017-02-12T01:52:10.592-08:00I'm sure you did the right thing for you, Debb...I'm sure you did the right thing for you, Debbie. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. (((HUGS)))Blesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16369267622517848850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-21045761820278436292017-02-10T14:04:34.366-08:002017-02-10T14:04:34.366-08:00I wanted to add that I,too, am cautious with frien...I wanted to add that I,too, am cautious with friendships now, just like another reader wrote. First it was my divorce and people who I thought were friends didn't/couldn't be there for me. Some how I thought in a divorce, other people would realize that each party would have their own version of events and that somewhere in between would be the truth. Of all the people I knew as a couple, two single ladies were the only ones who stayed by my side.<br />Then, other friends who did stay in my life couldn't deal with my CFS. I had one say to me 'how inconvenient' my illness was for her. Wow, that one hurt.<br /><br />And, now, I'm trying to find the balance with yet another friend. I'm there for her on the phone but have been feeling lately that she's not there for me. The first clue that I was having issues was seeing her number on caller id and my internal barometer was 'am I up for this call'. I'm learning to be intentional about talking with her now and choosing when to expend the energy. Learning to take care of my own emotional well being and not allowing myself to be dumped on is new for me.<br />Great and timely post. Thank-you. SJAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-50511689584595353752017-02-09T21:05:54.533-08:002017-02-09T21:05:54.533-08:00Thank you Jane and I am so sorry that your "f...Thank you Jane and I am so sorry that your "friends", all but one, treated you that way. I understand why you are being cautious with your friendships now...I would be too. (((((HUGS)))))Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-34860538155956308182017-02-09T19:43:14.716-08:002017-02-09T19:43:14.716-08:00I stopped trying to develop lots of friendships so...I stopped trying to develop lots of friendships some time ago. I think I did this to protect myself from the 'use you up' types that seemed to move into our friendship circle.<br />When we moved, almost 4 years ago, all the friends were there 'helping' us by taking pot plants and extra furniture that we no longer needed. Of those friends we have one who has stayed in contact with us. Another took my bromeliad collection, all in nice ceramic pots. I thought she would enjoy them. She enjoyed selling them all and making quite a nice packet of money out of them. I was taken aback as I could have done this but decided to 'gift' them to her. This friend has never sent an email or made a phone call.<br />I have a couple of people here in new town, that I am gradually developing friendships with. I have also walked away from a few that just did not feel right.<br />I understand what you are saying and the pathway that you are starting to walk. Stay strong.Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06964345893499561504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-29363372707278376962017-02-09T11:59:50.073-08:002017-02-09T11:59:50.073-08:00HI Delorise...your parents were right. ;) I know ...HI Delorise...your parents were right. ;) I know the exact feeling that you shared here...everyone has bead moments but come on...there has got to be some really good stuff in there too right? I have some of those same kinds of inlaws. A few are so toxic that we have absolutely no contact with them at all. Others are their enablers and are choosing to be caught up in their drama. We can't help them if they are choosing to stay in a bad situation. All we can do is pray. :) And yes, I am loving those who bless my life. Thank you friend!Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-69276606044188964442017-02-09T11:54:10.366-08:002017-02-09T11:54:10.366-08:00Thanks Jane...wise words my friend. I am already ...Thanks Jane...wise words my friend. I am already feeling a sense of relief and went to bed without my mind racing last night. :) Be blessed!Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-46315051979805853082017-02-09T11:31:56.913-08:002017-02-09T11:31:56.913-08:00I remember my parents saying "You can't h...I remember my parents saying "You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped." I have had people in my life that when I hung up the phone or walked away from them, I felt as if they had drained my life energy. I was just wrung out. I have so just wanted to say to them "Could you please just say one positive thing. Is there not something good in your life." Unfortunately I have one in law that I can't cut out of my life (if she wasn't an in law I definitely would). There isn't a lot of contact so that helps. Just pray-- that is the most you can do for some people. Congrats on reaching this milestone. Love and enjoy those who bless your life. Delorisenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-42652545596155765912017-02-09T11:15:37.349-08:002017-02-09T11:15:37.349-08:00I think how often friends are 'there" for...I think how often friends are 'there" for you when you need them, is a pretty wise barometer of friendship, Debbie. Had to let go of some relationships in the past because they were simply too toxic. Just as you wouldn't tolerate ingesting a small dose of poison, some friendships are the same way. Sending you an extra big hug. Hope letting go will lead to a more serene life for you!<br /><br />Hugs<br />JaneJanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01851312702044308420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-46318545188528014502017-02-09T10:45:34.245-08:002017-02-09T10:45:34.245-08:00Thank you SJ. :) I am so glad that you came back ...Thank you SJ. :) I am so glad that you came back to Jesus and that your friend continued to pray for you for all those years. I do believe in the power of prayer to change lives. You are right about certain friends coming into your life for different reason, seasons and some for a lifetime. I think we learn so much from our relationships, both good and bad. It helps us to grow, even it if is extremely painful at times. Praying for you my friend. :)Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-61510751058406138702017-02-09T10:40:34.658-08:002017-02-09T10:40:34.658-08:00Thank you Mrs. B for your prayers and for your wis...Thank you Mrs. B for your prayers and for your wise words and support my friend. :) Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-13286887868074149622017-02-09T10:39:29.537-08:002017-02-09T10:39:29.537-08:00Oh Chrissy, I am so sorry your father did that to ...Oh Chrissy, I am so sorry your father did that to you and continues to cause you pain. I hope you know that his walking out had nothing to do with you but everything to do with him. My cousins have gone down this path as well with their father, my uncle who died as a result of his addictions. My heart aches for you my friend and you are in my prayers.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-13782899134777035652017-02-09T10:35:46.673-08:002017-02-09T10:35:46.673-08:00((((((HUGS)))) Wendi. I am so sorry that your fam...((((((HUGS)))) Wendi. I am so sorry that your family also is going through this. I do understand. I lost an uncle to addiction and the pain he caused along the way to those that loved him was devastating. For their own preservation, many had to step away as he destroyed himself. Their love for him never changed but they wisely realized that they could do nothing to help him and needed to concentrate on their own families and lives. ((((((HUGS))))) my friend and I know that you have a very good and caring heart.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-54981447446664583762017-02-09T10:30:54.496-08:002017-02-09T10:30:54.496-08:00(((((HUGS))))) Theresa. I am so sorry that your b...(((((HUGS))))) Theresa. I am so sorry that your brother is struggling with this awful disease and the pain that it has also caused your family. I have had loved ones who have been able to break free of this and others have sadly not. I will be praying for your brother and for you and your mother also.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-44464632774518501142017-02-09T10:28:19.619-08:002017-02-09T10:28:19.619-08:00Thanks Andrea and thank you for being one of the p...Thanks Andrea and thank you for being one of the people who has encouraged me so very much. :)Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-52268550538206504112017-02-09T10:27:29.317-08:002017-02-09T10:27:29.317-08:00Thank you Meg. It has been difficult to do this b...Thank you Meg. It has been difficult to do this because I want to help everyone, but am learning that it is not always healthy for me to do so.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16449564619872452771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-32495304981694567992017-02-09T09:37:27.116-08:002017-02-09T09:37:27.116-08:00So amazing to see two posts this morning when I st...So amazing to see two posts this morning when I stopped by. First - congrats to Jeff. What an honor for him.<br />And this post really touched me heart. It reminded me of a dear friend from college. In my late 20s, I made some life choices that took me down a really dark path. My friend said she prayed for me for 30 years. And you know what? I eventually recommitted my life to Jesus and came back to Him. Miracles happen - I know that because I've lived it. Keep praying for your friend. Prayers do come true.<br />And as for your other friendships. I've had to do similar work these past few years. A different friend counseled me that friendships can be for 'a reason, a season or a life time'. That counsel really help me differentiate the roles different people played in my life. It's been hard work and painful. And, truthfully, lonely at times. But I'm a stronger and, just maybe, wiser person for it all. <br />Cheers, SJAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-48592116186639465422017-02-09T07:58:03.697-08:002017-02-09T07:58:03.697-08:00Good Morning Debbie,
I will remember you in praye...Good Morning Debbie,<br /><br />I will remember you in prayer as you continue to seek wisdom on how to place unhealthy relationships into God's hands.<br /><br />Proverbs 1:5 - A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels.<br /><br />I am happy you have a caring husband to support you as you gain strength and wisdom in these situations.<br /><br />Blessings,<br />Mrs.BMrs. B, a very peculiar personhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03579160731517930694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-18098394967253071012017-02-09T07:15:14.654-08:002017-02-09T07:15:14.654-08:00Debbie,
I can relate on a lot of levels. Especial...Debbie,<br /><br />I can relate on a lot of levels. Especially as a ministers wife. I have to invest in a lot of people and a lot of the times it feels more draining than anything. While I have my own way I deal with these things I agree that your are on a good track revaluating and seeing what you can let go and let God. It is what I had to learn the VERY hard way. <br /><br />What is really hard is when it is a parent or a close family member. I am going through this and it isn't my doing as I have tried everything to invest and repair. My father walked out on me when I was 5. As I got older I reached out and have tried to make a relationship. It will go well for a while but he has major issues and this is very hard and draining for me. <br /><br />I needed this today. Mrs. Chrissy Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09516870555452352931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-16077206827655738872017-02-09T06:28:18.196-08:002017-02-09T06:28:18.196-08:00Sometimes you have to have distance from those tha...Sometimes you have to have distance from those that aren't enriching your life. I feel that sometimes God puts people in our lives for a season. People change, friendships change and because the relationship changes doesn't mean we don't care for that person. <br /><br />Addiction is hard. I have a cousin who is an addict. My aunt thinks no one cares and we all hate her. Not true. I pray for her often and want nothing more then for her to be healed. The thing is addiction will make a person do crazy things. Things you never thought they were capable of doing. Letting my cousin "go" doesn't mean I don't care, but I have a family and a young daughter that I need to think of. Plus I just can't do drama anymore. Letting things be and praying is sometimes the best plan. Wendihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02547001714523524390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-9714260711961692052017-02-09T04:27:12.343-08:002017-02-09T04:27:12.343-08:00My 49 year old brother has struggled with addictio...My 49 year old brother has struggled with addiction for 30+ years. If I have learned anything over the years it is that you cannot change a drug addicts life. Offering advice, however well meaning is futile. They know they have let others down, are killing themselves, etc and is in part what drives them back to drugs or alcohol. Being there for the day they need you to just listen is one of the best things you can do. Leaving them in the Lord's hands is the best. My brother is alive without a doubt because of the fervent and faithful prayers of my mother.<br />Your friend with addiction issues will need you one day, and God willing will get the help she needs.Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00948148571415167380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-8597368525973339632017-02-09T04:00:23.285-08:002017-02-09T04:00:23.285-08:00You are so right in your reflections! Sometimes t...You are so right in your reflections! Sometimes the greatest thing you can do for someone is to "let go" and just pray for them. They can see just by your example of what their life should be. Just pray and those graces will be given to them, although it is still up to them if they change. Meanwhile, you are right to protect yourself and your family life from anything negative. Keep up the good work! AndreaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2283658887503348180.post-34060510557326873022017-02-09T01:25:10.858-08:002017-02-09T01:25:10.858-08:00Debbie, sometimes I think that it can be a very di...Debbie, sometimes I think that it can be a very difficult thing to be able to look at one's own life from a bit of a distance and to see that which lifts us up and that which drags us down. I think it takes courage to examine relationships honestly like you have and to know what it is you really need from those friendships. Meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11573371198907761962noreply@blogger.com