Things I Wish People Knew About How Fibromyalgia Personally Affects Me

 

  I'm sorry for not posting a Frugal Friday Wrap Up but some things have happened that threw me into another Fibromyalgia flare up.  The weather has been a huge factor with it behaving like a roller coaster.  Don't get me wrong, I love the cooler temperatures that come with Fall, but those sneaky very high temperature days just mess me up, as do fluctuations of 20 degrees or more from day to day.  

   We had to make the difficult choice to put our Patchy cat down.  She has been in failing health and we made a promise to her and to ourselves that when the time came, when she was no longer happy or was in pain, we would let her go.  That time came last week.  I held her one last time, cuddled her and she began to purr.  I told her I loved her and thanked her for all the love she showed us over the many years that she has been part of our family.  Then, I said goodbye.  Our Ginny cat seemed to know that I was hurting and came in from outside and jumped into my lap.  That simple gesture from Ginny helped me through the rest of the afternoon and evening.  With making this difficult choice (which we knew was right for her, but it still hurts), came a huge crash both physically and emotionally.  I have had one "good day" since last Monday.

   I've had migraines, digestive issues (IBS), and my vision has been affected.  My tender points (Fibromyalgia has many tender points) have been especially painful, as has the traveling pain everywhere else in my body.  I feel like I have beat up with a baseball bat.  Certain items of clothing hurt, so I opt for the softest things I have and spend the majority of my time at home in my pajamas.  After my one good day that involved going to an estate sale, followed by lunch and a stop at Walmart, I came home hurting and exhausted, but happy that I had been able to get out (so in my mind, it was worth it).  I was also "peopled out" because being around too many people leads to sensory overload.  I spent yesterday in bed for the most part because between the sound of the dishwasher running, along with the washer swishing the clothes in it and Jeff cleaning our master bathroom with our rechargeable cleaning brush, it was all too much.  Of course, that then deeply affected my sleep pattern, and I could not get to sleep until after 2 this morning despite taking my sleeping meds.

   I'm bloated, irritable, have very little energy and just taking a shower today was a major accomplishment.  I have changed what I am making for dinner, because I needed something easy, yet still comforting, that I could just throw in one casserole dish, bake it off and call it good.  I still have a pineapple that needs cut up and blackberries to bag up and freeze that we picked a few days ago.  Am I going to get both done by myself?  Nope, Jeff is going to have to help me after he gets home from work.  Thank goodness we have had rain, because that means we do not have to water the garden tonight also.

    My mind is racing and feeling like a major freeway with various on and off ramps close together.  My thoughts are like cars coming on and off those ramps and trying to navigate all the traffic at once.  Sometimes I have to just lay down and try to compartmentalize all that is going on in my mind.  Some thoughts are dealt with, others are neatly put into their little black boxes to deal with later when I am emotionally equipped to do so, some are dismissed, and other continue to run amuck.  This morning I spent 2 hours dealing with those thoughts before I could even get out of bed.  Complex PTSD is NOT FUN! Forget trying to read, I can't even concentrate. I'm now listening to some calming music to help to drown out those thoughts and my frustration.

   As of right now, my body feels cooler than normal, but that is a good thing since I usually feel hot, even though my thermometer is saying that I am within the normal lower temperature range.  I've still got my cotton summer blanket on my bed, along with sheets and a beautiful cotton lighter weight quilt my mother made.  It has been in the 40's at night and yet I still don't need or want another blanket on the bed.  Even when the days are hotter, I still have to have a fleece throw or small quilt on me during the day because I need to softness and weight of it to help calm my nerves.

   So yes, I am bundle of nerves, pain, exhaustion, anxiety, ongoing gut issues, and guilt for not being able to get everything done I know needs to be done.  There are piles of things in my house that need to be put away, things to try to sell on Facebook Marketplace, and my refrigerator, along with my upright freezer in the garage, need cleaned and defrosted.  My Jeff is wonderful to try and help me with everything, but he has health issues too that limit him.  We make quite the pair with him using his heated rice bags on his neck, shoulder and back, cool bags from the freezer on his hands, and his red light therapy on his legs and ankles.  I'm sitting next to him in my recliner with an adult beverage trying to relax the muscles in my back and keep my restless and hurting legs from going nuts.

   Everyone is different in how they are affected by this syndrome and it is no joke.  I pop new symptoms all the time now and it is getting to be more and more frustrating.  Someone once told me that I tend to minimize all that I am dealing with until it all come spilling out like right now.  They are right.  I don't want to "burden" anyone.  I have been trained since I was a kid to take care of everyone else.  It's hard to put own health needs first, but I am slowly learning to do some of it bit by bit.

   So if you have made it this far, please forgive my "word vomit" pouring this all out.  I think I really needed to do so though to help me deal with some of the things running on that freeway in my mind.