Wednesday, September 7, 2022

When Your Heart Yearns for Things Unseen


   Lately my heart has been yearning for something...something unseen.  I can't quite put my finger on it other than I want that feeling of peace, comfort and safety.  I used to feel safe in this little town that I love, but it has changed, and not for the better.  I keep my doors locked even during the day because I am afraid someone may come barging in.  I am also afraid of what may happen due to the "extracurricular activities" of some people who live near me.

   The feelings of not being safe started when Uncle Bob's son came into my home in a rage and was threatening me.  I have not had anything to do with that awful man since then and I hope I never have to.  I do know that Uncle Bob read him the riot act for what he did to me though.  He "apologized" because his father told him to.  He also made excuses for his behavior, so it was a non-apology in my books.

   I have known of the drug activity taking place in our little town and have seen first-hand the comings and goings of certain individuals.  These people are all connected to other people that my son Chris, the police officer, has dealings with on a regular basis.  The other day I heard a police car siren and it stopped here in town.  I just found out this morning that it was because of a home invasion and armed robbery.  The robbery took place due to money being owed for drugs.  The people who committed the robbery were arrested when they got back to Pullman, where they lived.  I know the person who's home was robbed, along with his family.  His ex-wife and I are friends and I taught his kids, along with one of the kids of his current girlfriend.  My heart breaks for all the kids (who are now adults).  They have gone through it with the drug addiction and selling of drugs by their parents.  

   This is a small town with a population of a little over 600 people.  Most of them are decent and hardworking.  They want to raise their kids in a "safe" environment, or they are like Jeff and I... getting into our retirement years.  I also see the pain and destruction that a few "bad apples" have and continue to cause.  It also puts me into a constant stage of high alert, which is not healthy for me.

   I want to feel safe and calm.  I don't want to have to worry about my home being broken into because someone needs "drug money" and thinks they can find things here to sell to get that money.  I don't want to have to worry about seeing a well known drug dealer's car in my neighborhood at all hours of the day and night.  I don't want to see people under the influence of drugs driving their children and grandchildren around either. 😟 And yes, the police are well aware of what is going on.  They have been for years and years now.

   I yearn for a place where I am able to relax and not have to worry about all of the above.  I yearn for a feeling of calm, peace and safety.  Unfortunately, we are not in a position to be able to move out into the country like both Jeff and I would like.  It is like that unattainable beautiful dream that you long for instead of the nightmare that you find yourself trying to wake up from.  That is the best way that I know to describe how I am feeling right now.

   Praying for all of my sweet friends that read this and I do apologize that it is not a bright and cheery post.  I just needed to put down in words what I am feeling right now, at this very moment.  Be blessed, stay safe and know that you are all amazing!





  1. I'm so sorry that you're living on HighAlert Red Zone as I like to call it. One thing that's helped me in the past is humming in a very deep resonating tone. Sounds funny but doing that helps calm the Vagus Nerve -- the pathway that's responsible for the Fright-Flight-Freeze mode in our nervous system. YMMV.

    Know I'm sending hugs and that you and Jeff are always in my prayers.
    SJ from Vancouver BC NOW in California!!

    1. Thank you my sweet friend. I hope you are getting settled in nicely in your new home.

  2. I am sorry you are so anxious. I truly do not believe there is any where that is exempt today. Large or small towns - todays people are not the same as they were when we were young.

  3. I'm sorry you are feeling so unsafe, worried, and uncomfortable about living where you live, Debbie. I hope you feel safer, soon!

  4. Sadly this is a problem in every community. I'm sorry you're not feeling safe and peaceful. Hugs!

  5. I'm so sorry your feeling afraid.
    It is a sad reality of modern life.
    But there are things you can do.
    Get to know your neighbors.
    Talk to each other,watch out for each other. The people who live on your street know who belongs there. The police can not be everywhere. They need us all to be aware.
    If your going out for the day let your neighbor know. Watch their place in return. I live in the country and we do all these things.
    Get a good dog, you sleep so much better with a furry alarm. Plus they are good company.
    Don't let evil people steal your peace.

    1. All great suggestions. I do know most of my neighbors around me and yes, we watch out for one another. Sadly a dog is not in the cards for us right now, but you are right, I did feel safer when I had big dogs.

  6. As Savannah suggested, maybe time to revisit having a dog….? conni

  7. I am sorry that you are having this problem with your neighborhood. In these times I don't know where we could even afford to move to, to avoid changing neighborhood kinds of problems. There are so many people under the effects of various street drugs and prescription drugs.

    We have lived in our house for over 40 years and I hope we will be able to live out our days here before things get very dangerous. When our kids were young we left our front door unlocked all day because they were in and out to their friends and their friends were in and out too. All of our neighbors were about our age and we all had kids about the same age, except for the retired couples on the street who kind of kept an eye on everything. We don't have any kids that play outside in the street or front yards on our street anymore, the kids always play in their houses I imagine. My husband and I and the other neighbors who were raising kids back in the 80's and 90's are the retired ones now, but there isn't much to be seeing in our neighborhood anymore. Mostly people stay in and except for us they hire people to mow their lawns. Things are sure different now. I used to like to sit out on the porch when all of the kids were playing and listen to them playing and having fun, picking each child's voice out of the group. I think those were nicer times for many people. For now we just try to keep an eye out to see if there are strangers around, and keep our doors locked, and curtains drawn at night or if we are not home.

    We also have a watch dog. She is extremely alert
    but is only 8 months old and hasn't learned to listen to sounds outside our house yet. She is only good for alerting us if something weird goes on inside. Since she only weighs 4 lbs., her bark sounds more like the sound of some kind of parrot, and when she growls it is a funny little growl. She is a little Pomeranian. Our last Pomeranian would alert us to a rabbit walking across the snow covered front porch. His bark and growl sounded like a big dog, and he was always on the alert until he went deaf at about 15 years old. Then he used his nose and would bark at anyone in the front or back yard. His guard dog duties for our house ended when he passed away at 17 1/2 years old. Though in my mind he is still helping to keep us safe somehow.

  8. It is hard to live in an area that seems to be going down so to speak. Hopefully things will get better.

  9. It's just so sad to not be able to feel safe in your own home. I currently live in a safe area and have neighbors that keep an eye on things. Unfortunately, my own daughter broke into my house and stole things to sell for drugs. Thank God she's clean now and has been for 5 years. I pray you will find peace somehow.

    1. I am so thankful that your daughter us now clean. (((((HUGS)))))


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