Monday's Mixed Up Emotions

 

   Please tell me I am not the only one who has felt like they have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 2 years with this whole covid-10 mess and all the political games that have been being played.  I'm so tired of the economy taking such a hit and people losing their jobs and businesses.  I mourn for those who have lost loved ones and for those who are suffering from long term covid effects.  I'm tired of people being demonized for making personal choices for their own health. My heart goes out to all the school children who have had their lives disrupted and who have not gotten the education that they deserve and to the teachers who have tried their very best to teach online at times and who try to make the best of a very bad situation when they kids are allowed back in school knowing full well that at any time they can be shut down again and trying to get the kids who have been out sick caught up when they do return to the classroom.  Yes, that is a long run on sentence and no, I don't care.

   

    With the economy the way it is, and getting worse, supply chain issues, prices rising and the treats of war, low crop production (based on fertilizer being in short supply and so expensive that there will be many farmers who cannot afford that or the seed this year to plant), along with so many other issues, I think we are in for a world of hurt.  There are days when I am very proactive, doing all I can to try and provide some kind of hedge of protection for my family, and other days when I honestly just want to throw my hands up in disgust and say "screw it".  I am one of those people that needs calm and stability to function well, and we are living in a time when we have neither of these.  I have noticed that I am having more panic attacks and my OCD is making itself know once again.  Logically, I realize that I have no control over what is going on in the world outside of my home and all I can do is the best that I can to prepare for what is to come and make my home the haven that I need it to be...but there is always the little niggling in the back of my mind about "what if this happens".  Know what I mean?  I realize that this is a trauma reaction and it is one that I have tried to work through, but sadly, will always be a part of my "coping" to try and anticipate any "danger" and be ready for it.  At this very moment, my body and mind are in "fight or flight" mode, and I can tell you that is utterly exhausting.  I do have medications that I can take to help combat this, but they make me feel like a slug and spacy.  I don't like that feeling at all!

   Now for the "silver linings", because I am always trying to look for those.  Our home is paid for in full.  We have a garden with established fruit trees, bushes and patches, along with a herb garden and raised garden beds for me to grow fruit and veggies in.  I found seeds on sale and stocked up on what would grow well in our climate.  Two sets of our kids and grandkids live close to us and we do help each other out and we facetime regularly with our third set of kids and youngest grandson.  Our pantry is well stocked and I have the knowledge and skills to be able to make tasty meals from what we have on hand.  Over time, I have curated many books on gardening, cooking, survival skills, building plans, health and yes, even entertainment for the littlest grandson up the the older generation (myself included).  My husband is a very handy guy who can do a lot of the car and home maintenance around our home and for our kids too.  He is also a skilled carpenter who can build just about anything I ask him to.  We are blessed to still have my parents in our lives and my mother is more than happy to sew things like aprons, napkins, wall hangings and quilts for us all.  My father provides us with lots of entertainment with all his stories...he really is a good storyteller, and I learn so much from him.  My siblings, cousins and I all have really good relationships with one another, even if we do have very different opinions on some things. 😉  I value their input and they all help me to grow as a person.

   So all is not lost or gloom and doom.  Some days I just have to write things all down to help me clear my mind and I thank anyone reading this for taking this meandering path in my mind with me today.  Hopefully it will help someone to know that they are not alone if they feel this way too and also help them to see that there is always good in the world if we look for it and learn to truly appreciate those around us who are in our lives and mean so much to us.  They are a gift whether they are there in person near you, a phone call away, on their other side of the world or even online.  I know that I treasure all of the amazing people who I have met online through different forums,  facebook groups and here in the blogging world.  Be blessed and thank you for being a part of my life.