I'm not coping well at the moment. My anxiety levels are really high between the whole election messiness and our country going crazy, Covid-19 and people dying from it in our area (some even that I personally know), not being able to go and see my parents and my brother Fritz this year, and not seeing my kids and grandkids often because we are all trying to be careful and any sniffle or not feeling well with anyone in our family cancels out any family get togethers. My family is my world and not being able to see them, hold them, hug them and laugh with them just kills me inside. Most of us are really good about wearing masks, but there are a few that are not and that could potentially put us all at risk. Three of us are high risk due to age and health issues, and yes, we three make sure to wear our masks when out and about.
It seems like every time I turn on the computer, I am bombarded with bad news. I see covid cases and death rates rising, people out looting and rioting and acting like rabid animals towards their fellow man. I see them smashing and destroying properties and businesses that took people years to save up for and develop. These rioters and looters don't care one single bit about anyone but themselves...they are opportunistic cockroaches in my opinion. Oregon that just legalized the use of hard drugs. If they think they have a problem now, just wait until all the drug dealers and addicts move to Oregon. Crime is going to skyrocket! I have family there and it scares me to death to think of what may happen to them.
I am deeply concerned for and and scared for our country right now. No matter who wins this election (with all the recounts going on), we are going to continue to have people protesting for a very long time. It seems like it has become a way of life for some. My concern is also about certain rights being taken away from us and watching our country go down a socialist path. I don't want us to end up like Cuba or Venezuela. I don't want that kind of a world for my kids and grandkids.
All of this has ramped up my anxiety and caused my fibromyalgia symptoms to flare up big time. It is also causing my IBS to go into overtime. Earlier I could not find words...my fibro fog was so bad in my head. Trying to concentrate on something is almost impossible. I am having to correct so much while I type this out that it is not even funny. At one point I had to hold onto furniture to walk from my bed to the bathroom. I am still really achy all over my body, even my hair follicles on my head hurt! My skin is breaking out and I itch all over. All this and more are part of my flare.
I am trying, I really am, to calm down and just remember that God is still in control, no matter what. I am spending less time online and trying to fill my time with uplifting things when I am not paralyzed by fear and anxiety. Yes, I am on medication to help with the anxiety, but I may have to take an additional medication that I have here for times when my anxiety spins out of control and I start to slip into depression. I absolutely hate feeling this way!
Our state, along with many others, is seeing a huge spike in Covid-19 cases. There was a media information online thingy on Tuesday and basically they were preparing us all for much stricter rollbacks on things once more. I fully expect our governor to come out and tell us that we are not allowed to gather with more that 5 people a week (that was one of their many recommendations) and to NOT get together with people outside of our immediate households for Thanksgiving unless we do it outside and wear masks the whole time. That is impossible to do over on this side of the state with snow coming in and cold temperatures. I have already warned Chris and Heather about this and that we may not be coming for Thanksgiving after all. I have a feeling that the media online thing was just preparing us for this announcement and that it will happen today or tomorrow. I so wish people would have just worn their masks and been careful so we could have avoided this. There are way too many people who know they have covid-19 wandering around infecting others, never mind the ones who do not know they are infected and spreading it too. Out little town has 16 cases that we know of...16 now! I am afraid to see what the numbers will look like within the next few days.
Jeff is getting worried too. We have seen Biden's plan for a 4-6 week nationwide paid shutdown. With all the trouble that the government had getting unemployment to people already, how do they propose to make sure that people have the money BEFORE the shutdown so that they can pay their bills DURING the shutdown? Jeff and I have decided that we need to do everything we can to save as much money as possible and bank it for the time being. We do not want to be caught short and not be able to pay our monthly bills and also want to have money set aside for the property taxes that will come due at the beginning of 2021. The only big purchase we still have to make is another ton of wood pellets for our stove. We have 2 put in right now, but we will need one more and with the shortages on pellets, I want to get it sooner than later to make sure that we can still get some.
I am praying we get some kind of relief from all of this soon but I fear that things are just going to get a lot worse before they get better. Praying that I am wrong.