Friday, August 26, 2016

Deleted...and Thank You All

  I deleted my last post after reading all the wonderful advice and your experiences that you shared with me.  Some of them were so personal and heartbreaking.  I just wanted to reach out and give you a big hug.  I wanted so badly to protect you from ever feeling that kind of pain again, pain that I know so well.  I want you to know that I took everything you all said to heart and I shared it with my husband and thought about it.   I so appreciate the time you all took to respond.  

  I decided to delete the post for several reasons.  The first being that there is a minor child caught in the middle of all this mess and we love them with all our hearts.  This has been extremely hard on them and through no fault of their own, they have also become a casualty of all the nastiness.  The person that has caused the mess is one of their parents.  I want to protect this precious child to the best of my ability.  

  The second reason is that I do not want this blog to become a place of deep pain for me.  This situation is one of the most gut wrenching things that my family and I have continued to go through for years now.  It is wearing me down and taking me to places that I do not want to go again.  I want to focus on the good for the most part because that is how I try to live my life.  I realize that life has it's ups and downs, but this situation goes way beyond that. It's not healthy for me to continue down this toxic path that keeps getting worse.  

  The third reason is that I need to take care of my husband, my kids, my grandkids and myself.  I need to focus on our family (and thank you to all of you who pointed that out, sometimes I need to be reminded of things that I know in my heart, but my mind starts drowning in the toxic sludge) and friends and the people who want us in their lives.  These are the people who I need to give my time, love and attention to.  I don't want to waste precious energy and risk my health worrying about this ongoing and further decaying mess.  I want to be happy and spend time with people with whom I have mutual love and respect.

   Today I spent the majority of the day with my sweet Heather (DIL) and my grandboys.  We laughed, shared hugs and smiles, talked about what was important to us and played.  I watched in wonder as my grandsons played and seemed to be growing up right before my eyes.  My oldest grandson Bradley, who is 4 is reading now.  He has an excellent teacher in his mommy who has been working with him.  Isaiah, our 3 year old, is asking more and more questions about how things work and is always wanting to build something.  Today he and I built a barn together with Legos to house some of his toy animals.  My son Chris came home after a long day to find his sons and I playing in their front yard.  He made the comment that Isaiah no longer had the "baby" look but was now a little boy.  It made me take a second look at Isaiah, through my son's eyes.  I realized in that moment how quickly the boys were both changing and growing and how I want to be present in each and every moment with them and take it all in.  I want to remember how Bradley woke up from his nap and sleepily cuddled up with me while Isaiah and I worked on building the barn. I want to remember the look of delight on Isaiah's face when he jumped into the cooler that was filled with water so he and Bradley could fill their water guns up in it.  I never want to forget watching Heather share ice cream cones with the boys and their smiling faces.  These, and other moments spent with my husband, children, grandkids, and the rest of my amazing family and friends are what make my life so rich and meaningful.  My energy is limited so I want to spend it wisely.

   So thank you again to all that reached out, shared, and gave me good and sound advice.  I appreciate you all so much and I thank you for helping me put my focus back where it needs to be and to try not to dwell on the situation in which we have no say or control over.  Be blessed and again....thank you!
 

14 comments:

  1. I might be half a world away but I am sending hugs to you Debbie. Just from what you share here I know you to be a kind and wonderful woman. Your descriptions of your family and the love shared, just make me smile. Thank you for that.

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    1. Thank you Jane. :) You are so sweet. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

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  2. So glad you are moving forward Debbie. Those little boys sure do grow up fast. Isn't it wonderful how we get to relive our son's childhood again through them? Being a grandma is so wonderful, parenthood without the worries. Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy yourself!

    Hugs
    Jane

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    1. Thanks Jane! You put it so perfectly "parenthood without the worries". Love that! I hope you have a wonderful weekend too!

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  3. Sometimes when we let all of our feeling out in a little vent it helps to gain perspective. Glad that you have been able to release some of your pain and to get back onto a positive path. We all have issues and like you I try to say focused on the good and finding joy in the ordinary. Keep praying for those creating this mess!

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    1. Thanks Wendi, it really does help me to get it all out. Yesterday I wrote a letter to my MIL, one that I will never send, but I was able to write exactly how I felt about the whole mess. I'll shred the letter now that I have "purged". ;)

      I hope you have a wonderful weekend with your beautiful family. :)

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  4. God Bless and Give you peace of mind. We can't change others and sometimes prayer is all we can do. You vented and it seems sometimes in life everyone experiences a degree of this. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to ignore them. You are right in focusing just on your immediate family...that will be your safe haven. Like your little microcosm of a world that you can keep out any negative. Andrea

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    1. Thank you Andrea. I have said many times that I just want to wrap my family up in our own little bubble wrap world. ;) Our home is a safe haven, not just for us, but for lots of friends too need to just have a safe place to be and to be loved unconditionally. That has always been my husband and my goal. :) Be blessed!

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  5. Glad you found some happiness.

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  6. Take care of yourself and focus on the good things in life. (((HUGS)))

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    1. Thanks Bless and that is exactly what I am trying to do. :)

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  7. It's hard to find that balance between sharing your heart and sharing too much. I've walked the line many times. I really hope these drama queens knock it off, I'll never understand people like that. I hope things start to get better 😢

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    1. Jessica, I am so sorry. I am just now seeing your sweet and caring reply. I wish things were getting better but they took a horrid turn again tonight and it left me in tears. Thank you for thinking of me and I am so sorry that you too have walked that line. I'm thinking I will build a big brick wall on that stupid line so that it cannot be crossed again.

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