I Don't Understand Why

Our Rachel and Pastor Steve on Jaysn and Rachel's Wedding Day


I will never understand while I am still here on earth why God works the way He does.  I know He loves us, I know he wants the best for His children and I know He wants us to show His love to others.  So why does He allow someone who is one of the most loving, kind and giving people who shows His love to others to go home so early in their life?

Steve McClure died on Sunday after being diagnosed with cancer 6 months earlier.  He leaves behind his beautiful wife Tina and his young children who have have lived through seeing their mother battle and  beat cancer and yet have now lost their father to this cruel disease.  My heart breaks for them.

Steve was an incredible man with the capacity to make everyone around him feel loved and accepted.  Our Rachel, who had lost her own father to cancer when she was a child, met Steve when she came to college.  He was a pastor at the church she started to attend and became a member of.  His genuine caring, kind ways, laughter and encouragement meant so much to her and he became not only her pastor, but a good friend and even a father figure to her.  

When our Jaysn started dating Rachel, he got to know Steve and a friendship and mentorship of sorts was formed there also.  After Jaysn and Rachel became engaged, they had premarital counseling with Steve who was very realistic about both the good and the difficulties in marriage.  He helped our kids come up with plans on how to handle finances, conflicts, and that communication was key in any successful relationship. 

 Steve loved our kids and they loved him.  So deep was their love for Steve that they not only asked him to preside over their wedding, but also asked Steve if he would be the one to walk our Rachel down the aisle.  I will always cherish that day with our Rachel looking so radiant and happy to be marrying our son Jaysn, and our Jaysn seeing his beautiful bride coming down the aisle to him.  Steve, beaming like a proud father, walked Rachel down that aisle to be united with Jaysn and took great joy in being the one who pronounced them man and wife.

Steve not only united Jaysn and Rachel in marriage, but also our hanai (adopted by love) kids Ricky and Naomi.  It was such a joyous and fun wedding, with Steve again beaming and making the day all the more special for the nervous but happy bride and groom.  He had a gift for making you laugh and calm down when you were nervous on your special day.

Steve's life was one of giving so much to others.  He genuinely loved the Lord and loved people.  He was there for them and accepted them for who they were.  He helped calm people when they were in the midst of the storms of life and did so with a wonderful sense of humor.  He helped young couples start their lives on the right foot.  He counseled them on how to set up a reasonable budget and pay off debt as quickly as possible.  He was their cheerleader, encourager, sounding board, counselor and friend.  My husband and I will always be so grateful to Steve for all he did for our kids and for the love and encouragement he showed them.

My heart is breaking for Steve, having to say goodbye way too early to his precious wife and children.  For his wife Tina, who is now left to raise their children without the love and support of her best friend and husband.  For his children, who loved their father and who they know fought hard to try and beat cancer and be there for them and watch them grow up.  My heart also breaks for their extended family, their church family, and for all their friends who are going to miss this wonderful man.  I know that my husband and I, in the brief times that we spent with him, came to really respect him and enjoy his company.

I don't understand why God did not heal Steve while he was still here with us, but instead chose to heal him in heaven.  I don't understand the how and why He heals some people, who, in my own human understanding, are mean spirited and not appreciative of that gift of their healing, while someone like Steve, who is kind and loving, and has dedicated his life to serving the Lord is taken home so soon.  I wish I had the answers to that question, but more than that, I wish Steve had been healed while he was still here with his family and had lived to see his children grow up.