This Struck a Cord with Me...

My paternal grandfather and I.

   I was reading a post by the lovely Brenda over at Coffee, Tea, Books and Me blog http://coffeeteabooksandme.blogspot.com/ and she made the comment at the end of one of her posts about voting the issues of the candidates that are running for president of the United States.  She mentioned that she was voting for the candidate that was Pro Life and her  deeply personal reason for doing so.  That struck a resonated  with me because I would have been a casualty of the "Pro Choice/Women's Reproductive Rights" movement if it abortion had been legal when I was conceived.  I am so thankful that it was not legal then and that I am here today.   I also want to state upfront that I am in no way bashing my dear mother, who at that time, felt scared, overwhelmed and to be perfectly honest, had no idea how she was going to raise a baby and finish her college degree, even with my father's love and support.  She is a very strong woman in so many ways, but at that moment, she was scared.  I know how she feels because I too had that same scare and looking back now, I know I had a miscarriage and was not just "late".  Luckily for me, when I did share the news of my possible pregnancy, my then boyfriend/now husband gently said "I guess we just become a family sooner than planned."

   Before I get into this, I really want to say that my heart goes out to women who have been put in a position where they felt they had no choice but to have an abortion.  Whether it was family pressure or not knowing that there were so many people out there who would have loved that baby and adopted it as their own, my heart aches for them and for that precious child.  For those women who just saw the baby as a inconvenience and something that was a mass of tissue to be discarded so they could go on with their lives and not have to go through with the pregnancy, I feel so bad for you that you were fed so much misinformation and made that choice.  For those women who live with the devastating feelings of guilt for what they have done, may God comfort you as only He can.

   I value life and believe that life begins at the moment of conception. I have heard the arguments that are given for aborting a baby that was conceived in rape and yet I know a very brave woman who this happened to and she had her precious daughter who was then adopted by her amazing husband when they got married.  Both mother and daughter are so thankful she chose life and are as close as they can possibly be!  It is a joy to see them together and the love they share. My friend, the brave woman, is now able to spoil her beautiful grandchild, someone that she would have never known had she made another choice.  I also know other people that were conceived in rape and then were given the chance at a good life by their brave birth mothers who made the loving decision to not only give birth to these precious people, but also gave an adoptive family the gift of a child to love, raise and complete their own family.  I have a cousin that has become a much loved part of our family through adoption.  I would love to one day be the grandparent to a child or children that became part of our family through adoption.  My husband and I offered to adopt a precious little one when a teenaged friend (who had been adopted by her wonderful family herself) became pregnant and were heartbroken when she felt pressured to have an abortion and went through with it.

   I'm a mom who loves my children with every fiber of my being.  Although my oldest son was planned for, our twins were a unexpected surprise. I'm so glad that God blessed me with my three amazing sons by birth and my hanai kids too.  I now have 2 beautiful daughters as 2 of my sons are married wonderful women.  I'm a grandmother to 2 energetic, curious and totally adorable little boys and am praying that there will be more little ones to love on soon. I am so thankful that I was not another innocent victim of abortion.



 

 

 

ReDoing the Underwear Drawer

    Ok ladies, I want to talk to you about something that most of us don't tend to think of very often, especially if we are of a certain age where we are not all "rocking" the latest Victoria's Secret matching bra and panties sets. ;)  When was the last time you actually went through and sorted out "that drawer" in your dresser?  I could not sleep last night, so I decided to take on the challenge.

   I could not believe what all I found in there.  My grandmother's hand embroidered hankie that I carried when I got married was a delightful surprise but there were others that were not.  I sorted through and tossed out pairs that had seen better days, and also found some in there that I had never even worn since they had got shoved way to the back.  I have gone up a size so some of them fit and some, well...we won't go there. ;)  I also found some that were brand new in a style that I had bought by accident that does not fit well with my body type.  I had recently bought a bunch of new undies in my current size so those were nicely folded and put in the drawer along with the other new pairs that fit that I had found while sorting through everything.  There were only a few other pairs that I have had for awhile and that fit that were kept.

   Now that I have tackled that drawer, I am thinking the sock drawer is next.  I am one of those people that switches out their socks by the season.  I have my warmer weather socks and my cooler weather socks.  This past year, I have not worn many of my warmer weather socks since menopause has caused my internal thermostat to go into overdrive and if my feet get hot then I am miserable.  I have been a cute sandals kind of gal for the most part during the months that I can get away with it. ;)

Be blessed and go sort your socks, or undies, or shirts, or.....

PTSD and my AH HA Moment

I am taking a huge risk here and am going to bear my soul to you all.  I know that for those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile, you know that we have been dealing with a very stressful situation with my husband's siblings and now his parents also.  I have been struggling, like deep depression, sense of dread, bursting into tears over minor things, threatening to leave just to escape this whole mess, having a dark cloud over my head that does not let me fully experience joy like I should kind of stuff.  We got some amazing news over the weekend and I realized that although I was happy about it, I did not experience the fullness of joy that I really should have given the wonderfulness of it all.  I am generally a pretty happy and upbeat person for the most part and did not realize just how bad things were getting for me emotionally.  Today that all came to a head over something that should have been a minor thing, and a comment that our son Josh (who is home on leave) said that usually would not be a big deal, but given my fragile emotional state, opened the floodgates that led to my Ah Ha moment.  I do suffer from an anxiety disorder and from PTSD due to some childhood traumas.  That is something that I don't usually disclose much.  I wrote the following on a forum that I have belonged to for a long time now, a place where I can be open about things that I usually keep hidden.  I am going to edit out a few bits because the could cause great pain to a few people.  I am hoping that maybe by me sharing this, it will help someone else too who is struggling like I have been.  Be blessed!

I'm struggling today emotionally and again dissolved into tears. I so wish all this crap would stop. I hate that Josh is having to see me this way. Jeff explained more to him about what is going on and now Josh "gets it" about why I am such a wreck right now. Josh told me that I do not have to be the "strong one" for everyone else in the family and that I had been trying to be that for far too long. I think I have figured out that my PTSD from some childhood trauma has been triggered by all this mess. As a child I was always told that I had to be strong and take care of everyone else and that I was responsible for them. If something bad was happening to me, it was to be swept under the rug (including being molested for years by someone outside the family) and not talked about...I would just have to deal with it on my own because it would bring shame to our family. My mom finally took me to a psychiatrist for "family counseling" when I was 17 (something I had been begging for for years) after she scared herself with an outburst that she had. I never told the psychiatrist about the molestation but did tell him about some of the other stuff. He was amazed that I had coped as well as I had for all those years and advised me to go far away to college so I could finally live my own life and not be responsible for everyone else. I was a child that was forced to be the adult and caretaker in the family, the "mom" to everyone. I went twice before the appointments were cancelled. I think we all would have benefitted greatly from some good family counseling and could have avoided so many more years of hurt and pain. But it is what it is and my mom and I have worked through our stuff and are now very close and supportive of one another and for that I am extremely thankful!

I now realize that I have fallen back into the same pattern of trying to be strong and take care of everyone else but me. I have stuffed my feelings and put up with way too much for far too long "for the sake of my husband's parents". I have these conflicting feelings of love and yet intense hurt (and even anger) because of being rejected by them and being told that they know we are strong, we will understand and that we will always be there for them, but their other adult children (the colossal screwups and narcissists) "need them more" and that their needs and wants will always come first. Well we are not that strong, we don't understand, and are so hurt by their behavior...all of us! Meanwhile, I go into "mom mode" and try to make sure that everyone else is comforted, taken care of, feels loved and valued (including my MIL and FIL) and I try to "make things right" for everyone and keep hitting a brick wall. Same thing I was expected to do and happened in my childhood. Wow, just getting that out and coming to that realization is making me feel stronger and more able to cope. I think Josh's remark and my subsequent meltdown actually unlocked the key to why I am at this point. I must remember to thank him for that. And for the record, Josh felt awful about my bursting into tears and his part in it and was really sweet, loving and supportive when he came in to talk to me about it. It was nice to have my grown son hug me and tell me how much he loves and appreciates me and all I do for our family and for him. Maybe this is the turning point for me. Maybe some "self care" is what I need and to be able to not only intellectually step away from the situation but also do so emotionally as well. I know it will not be easy and that I will still struggle, but at least this is a start.

Frugal Friday Wrap up 9/17-9/23 2016

   

   

Hello all, I have not been keeping a running list this week due to a wedding, vacation and having my son Josh home on leave from the Air Force.  I will try to remember my personal frugal doings for the week but you will see that we were very spoiled by my parents while we took a short vacation there with them at their beautiful lakeside home.  They are so generous with all of us and we are truly blessed by them.


~I packed snacks and drinks to take with us on our trip over to see my parents and brother.
~We filled up our car with gas at the best priced gas stations that we could find.  It is .20 cheaper or more per gallon at the gas stations we stopped at than it is around here.  That proved to be a huge savings for us.
~There is a little thrift store in the town that my parents live near.  We found a dvd set of an old TV series starring Betty White in her much younger years.  It is called "Life with Elizabeth. We paid $1 for it.

~My parents treated all of us to the Glacier Symphony with a guest artists who was doing a tribute to John Denver's music.  It was amazing and so much fun!
~My parents treated us to dinner at this funky BBQ joint that we have come to love.  So much wonderful food and we brought home half of it for more meals.
~One night my father BBQed lamb chops...one of my favorites!  Mom sent home the leftover chops with me and I had those for dinner later in the week.

~My generous mother sent me home with lots of goodies including homemade lilikoi (passion fruit) butter, homemade raspberry syrup, homemade cherry syrup, honey and Esther Price chocolates that they picked up on their trip back to Ohio.
~Mom also gave me a hand woven rug, a beautiful Christmas lap quilt, my grandmother's mother of pearl inlaid button box (which we suspect was her mother's), and some mugs that my grandparents had made upon the birth of each grandchild. I already had mine but my mom sent home the ones for my cousins Andy and Jeremy since Jeremy now lives near us.
~We spent a lovely day out on the lake on my parents party boat.

~I found my favorite wine from the vineyard in Montana at one of the grocery stores there.  I stocked up!
~Jeff and I enjoyed watching HGTV at my parents home.
~As per usual, I watched some shows online once we were home.
~My cousin Jeremy blessed us with a huge spaghetti squash that was given to him by one of his co-workers.
~I picked tomatoes, squash, beans, the last of the cucumbers and lots of blackberries from our garden.

~I made a really nice salad one night with mixed greens, feta cheese and blackberries.  It was a wonderful combination!
~We stopped at the Grocery Outlet and they had their huge 2 pound packages of pastrami and turkey breast deli meats for $6.99 each.  I bought 2 pastrami and 1 turkey.  I also bought some swiss cheese and some provolone.
~Three overripe bananas were made into banana bread. Jeff and Josh took one loaf with them when Josh went to work with his dad and Josh will take the other loaf with him on the plane Sunday when he flies back to the Washington DC area where he now lives.
~Friday's dinner was a Crockpot creation of smoked turkey sausage, potatoes, onions, carrots and celery cooked in chicken broth.

~I did work my points programs once I got home.
~Our garden produce is being used in salads, sandwiches and satays. Some of the blackberries are being frozen for future jam making.
~It got chilly further along in the week so we did start using the pellet stove when needed but tried to dress warmly inside to keep that down to a minimum.  My house slippers are on my feet almost constantly during the day. ;)

~Walmart sent me my Fall Beauty Box and it had some nice bath related things for the most part.  It was worth the $5 this month. :)
~The mail also brought several free magazines.
~My homemade nectarine vodka turned out really well.  Mixed with orange juice, it makes a terrific cocktail.   Just sayin! ;)
~We have an abundance of apples so I made an apple crisp to go with dinner on Friday night.I had everything I needed on hand. Oh it was so good and I had forgotten how simple they are to make.

~With the cooler weather, I have been working my way through the many boxes of tea that I have here.  It's a nice pick me up during the day and a great way to unwind at night.
~I uploaded some coupons to my Safeway card and will take advantage of the savings when I stop by there tomorrow while I am in town.
~Our son Josh, who is home for a short visit on leave,  was delighted to be able to use our hot tub earlier this week. :)
~My MIL returned a book to me that she had borrowed.  Some of the pages fell out of it when she was reading it.  Luckily I helped put myself through college by working at the university library and a book mender.  It should be a fairly easy fix and one that I can do myself.

   So there you have it.  A huge thank you to my parents who spoiled us rotten while we were there for a few short day.  And another huge thank you to my brother Fritz who I always have the best conversations with. :)  We are enjoying spending time with our Josh while he is here and Jaysn and Rachel even came out Wednesday night for a bit. :)  Be blessed all!

Sunset from my Parents' Lakehouse

Frugal Friday Wrap Up 9/10-9/16/16

 

     It has been another interesting week.  I tried for the most part to stay home to save money on gas and do things around here.  We are now down to one car.  I've been working on either making or finding Christmas gifts at great prices so that I am ready ahead of time and not stressed out.  Sadly, after a very hurtful phone call on Friday night that left me shaking and in tears (yes, still that same horrible mess but certain parties just escalated it even though I thought it could not possible get any worse), we may have less gifts to make or buy.  :(  Onto the savings:

~Early morning phone calls rarely bring good news.  Saturday, at 3 a.m., my hubby called me and told me that his car had broken down right outside of the town he works out of.  I got dressed and drove over there to meet him.  We then towed the car, very slowly, into that town and left it at our trusted mechanic's shop.  I did learn one thing...I do not like towing at all.  Scared me to death to have to do it.
~We had my cousin Jeremy over for brunch on Saturday and I fixed a simple meal of an oven pancake, breakfast sausages and eggs.  This was served with some good Kona coffee.  I had bought the sausages and eggs on sale previously, made my own pancake mix and the Kona coffee was a gift.
~Our local apple orchard is open and in full production.  They have expanded over the last 5 years adding more varieties of apples, along with prune plums and pears.  We took my cousin up after our brunch and picked pears, Cortlands, McIntosh and Honeycrisp apples.  They still only charge .50 per pound.  Jeff and I picked 23 pounds worth of fruit and will be sharing with our kids.  I'll be going up again to pick more for our trip to Montana for my parents, brother and their neighborhood friends. :)

~I found a Bacon Lovers pizza on clearance in the deli at Walmart for $3.99 and picked that up for dinner on Saturday.  We enjoyed that and watched a movie we had here for a nice quiet night at home.
~We used the $25 Walmart gift card to buy a air filter for my car and some avocados.
~I baked a pumpkin pie and some cookies to take with us to Heather and Chris' for dinner on Sunday.  We headed over there earlier in the day so Chris, Jeremy and Jeff could go sight in their guns.  Jeremy had to leave after that but we stuck around for a fun baseball game with friends and family and then had dinner.  Heather made Cheddar Bay Biscuits and a delicious garlic cheese and potato soup.
~My oldest grandson Bradley and I did some shopping on Sunday.  We used coupons at Bath and Body Works to get a free lotion and a $10 large 3 wick candle.
~Bradley and I also hit Goodwill and spent under $7.29 for a really cool Spider Man Mask that he fell in love with and 2 shirts, one for him and one for his little brother.

~Monday I picked a big basketful of blackberries from our blackberry bushes.  I also harvested cucumbers, beans, squash and tomatoes.
~We had an old quilt in the garage that needed to be washed.  It was too big for my washer and it was kind of delicate so I hand washed it in our big bathtub.  Jeff hung it out to dry on the laundry line for me the next morning.
~Monday I also baked 2 loaves of bread for sandwiches for my hubby.
~I hung Jeff's laundry out to dry on the line.
~We watched more shows online.
~I bought a beautiful pork loin roast over the weekend at a fantastic price.  Monday, when I took it out of the package, I realized that there were actually 3 pork loin roasts in there.  I had spent a little over $3 on the package.  I roasted them all up with some apples and onions.  We had the 2 smaller roasts for dinner  (there were leftovers) and I put the larger cooked roast away for another meal or 2 later this week.

~The temperatures outside really dropped Monday night so I closed up the house (I usually sleep with the bedroom window open until we hit the freezing mark) and threw an extra blanket on our bed.  I did not want to have to use the pellet stove yet.
~Tuesday my mom called and we had a lovely visit over the phone.  I cannot express in words just how thankful I am for the close relationship that she and I share.
~Another batch of prune plums were cut up and dehydrated.  I want to take some over to my mom when we go visit on Sunday.
~My husband got a $10 credit put on his customer loyalty card as a birthday gift from the bowling alley.
~Completed 2 surveys for Pinecone Research which I will be credited for.
~I  have made good use of the leftovers this week to reduce food waste.
~Our mornings have been really chilly here.  I've been throwing open the curtains and the front door (leaving the storm door closed) on the sunny side of the house first thing in the mornings to help heat up the house.  It was 50F in the house this morning when I got up.  This helps heat up the house fairly quickly.

~Our mechanic called and sadly, our little car is dead.  The whole engine needs to be replaced and given how old the car is and the miles on it, the cost to replace the engine is more than the entire car is worth.  We are going to sell the wheels and snow tires and scrap the rest.  I am now trying to convince my husband that we can get by with just one car since I am not working outside the home and, if need be, I can borrow my neighbor's extra car if I need to.
~Frost hit one of our gardens so I salvaged what I could from there.  So far the other gardens are doing ok but I know it won't be long now until they too take a hit.
~I took part of the larger third pork loin that I cooked earlier in the week and used it to make homemade pork lo mein.  I threw in carrots, celery, cabbage, some red bell pepper and some green onions from our garden along with the pork that I cut into slivers.  I made a sauce with oyster sauce, water and some agave syrup and combined the goodies above and some cooked noodles with it.  Yum!  We have leftovers for another meal plus part of the 3rd pork loin left.  This will make yet another meal for both my hubby and I.
~My hubby winterized our swamp cooler so it is all drained, wrapped up and ready for the cold weather to come.
~I have been missing teaching but know that I cannot handle the stress of working at our local schools right now with all that is going on.  A wonderful opportunity came my way this Wednesday to be able to once again do what I love in a much less stressful environment.  I will be helping out with a local MOPs group (Mothers of Preschoolers) 3 times a month for a little over 2 hours at a time.  They will pay me $25 for each time I work and the best part...I will be working one on one with a little boys with Down's Syndrome and helping him transition into a group of children his own age.  It is a total God thing because the beautiful young woman who reached out to me for help in finding people to work at the program had no idea how much I was missing working with children and that I have always had a special place in my heart for precious little ones with Down's Syndrome. I love how God works!
~I received a box in the mail from PinchMe that had a few samples in it.
~Thursday night I hot tubbed which did help me get some sleep. :)
~I shared some cucumbers and tomatoes from our garden with our neighbors.
~We dug out some small blackberry bushes to take to my mom who wanted some for her garden.  These are thornless blackberry bushes that produce an abundance of fruit. :)
~I have stayed home for the most part this week.  We did have to run over and borrow our son Chris' truck earlier in the week and we ran errands on Friday, but other than that, I have been happy to just be home.
~Friday I picked 2 quarts of blackberries to take to my parents.
~I packed up a bag full of assorted apples and pears to take to my parents.  We had picked them up at our local orchard.
~My gift closet came in handy yet again!  I had a new Circulon stock pot that I had gotten free with the purchase of my cooking pans years back.  I packed that up in a beautiful recycled gift bag and wrote a nice note on some blank notecards that I had bought at the thrift store.  This was a wedding gift for a very special young couple who I had the pleasure of watching grow up and teaching. :)
~We stopped at Salvation Army and I picked up some more Junie B Jones books, a sign that I feel in love with and a brand new black crossbody purse that came with an umbrella and coin purse.  I looked it up on QVC and it retails for $79.  I paid $4.97. Oh I found a really nice book for the grandboys to add to their Christmas presents.
~The Dollar Tree got a new batch of movies in.  By the time we got there they were pretty well picked over but I did find 4 for us.  One dollar for a movie and some homemade popcorn makes for a very cheap date night. ;)
~I had a custom photo mug made for one of my sons for Christmas.  I had found a deal on it and only had to pay shipping.

   I hope you all have a great and frugal weekend!

Keeping Things In Perspective

    Early Saturday morning I got a phone call from my hubby telling me his car had died.  I went to rescue him and towed his car to our mechanic's shop.  It sat there until Jake had a chance to look at it today.  The verdict...the engine is dead and needs to be replaced at the cost of $2,300-$2,500.  OUCH!  I looked up the Blue Book value on the car and it is not worth replacing the engine.  We will sell the tires and wheels and scrap the rest.  My hubby is upset but I pointed out that the car had served us well for many years and if it was going to break down, doing so when we were close to our mechanic's shop and not while we were far away from home on a trip was actually a huge blessing. We still have my car and since I do not work outside the home, we can share that one.  He went back to bed to get more sleep and I called and cancelled the insurance on that car, effective the day it died. I stayed very calm and was able to put this into perspective.

   Last week, one of my friends got some horrible news that her daughter had been in a serious auto accident and was fighting for her life.  Despite all the prayers and the heroic efforts of the EMTs and the doctors and nurses at the hospital, Breanna lost her battle for life. :(  My friend Edwina is now left with the the task that no parent should ever have to face, preparing for her daughter's funeral and trying to go on with her own life without her precious girl in it.  My heart breaks for my friend and her other children and the rest of her family.  Edwina has a very strong support system around her and I know that she will get through this in her own time and in her own way, but that loss will always be there and the questions of "what if" will come to mind for the rest of my friend's life.

   My husband and I had a car break down while my friend lost her daughter.  There is no comparison.  We can replace a vehicle, but my friend will never get to hold her daughter, watch her get married and have children and enjoy her company ever again.  This was a horrible reminder of what is really important in life and how we all need to keep things in perspective.  Be blessed and go hug those you love tight...you never know when it will be the last time you will ever have that chance.