|Zion National Park|
Last week the Creeping Crud (virus that is going around) caught me and has laid me up pretty good. Today was the first day that I have been able to really leave the house in about a week. We needed more groceries and I was looking for some cold weather snow bibs for Steven. No snow bibs found but we did get some great marked down deals on meat and baked goods. A few hours out of the house and I am now happy to be back home in comfy clothes sitting beside the warm pellet stove and listening to some calming music. I am one worn out sick chic. 😉
Before I go any further on this post, I would like to ask for your prayers, good thoughts and anything else you can do for the people in California that have lost their homes, livestock, pets and friends and family in the terrible fires. The devastation is heartbreaking. We have a family friend who lives in Paradise and he escaped with his life. Within the last day or so found that his home is one of the few left standing and they say the only reason it was is because he had a large swatch of defendable cleared space around it. The pictures of how close the fire and what all is charred shows a clear circle around his place. David is one of the lucky ones. Many others have lost everything and the loss of life, which is the hardest thing, continues to climb. I am praying that our friend Bless, who is also a blogger down near the other big fire, is okay also.
It has turned really cold here and that is affecting my Fibromyalgia and making me flare more often. My body reacts to the cold by stiffening up big time and it can be quite painful. The weather patterns also get me every time. I'm also experiencing new symptoms that can pop up with Fibro. I am now up to 168 symptoms with the latest being feeling like you have bugs crawling on you. YUCK!
My mind is also slowly releasing bits of information about my past that I have kept locked away because they have just been too much and too painful for me to deal with. I now understand why I have kept these things tucked away for so long. If everything had come out all at once, I would have had a total mental breakdown I am sure. It has brought back all those old feelings of insecurity, feeling unwanted, used, terrified and a hurt that is so deep that you can get pulled down into the depths of the whirlpool of despair if you do not have a loving support team around you as you process it all. With each new morsel of information being released though it is like grieving for the childhood me and for the effect that it still has on my life today. It is an exhausting and extremely painful process but one that is necessary and that I hope will help me to heal. It really has helped me to realize why I am the way I am and why I have Fibromyalgia, Anxiety, Depression, PTSD and OCD among other things. I am praying that I can overcome many of the things that are going on with me...it would be nice to not have to deal with so much all the time.
Even in the midst of all of this there are still moments of great joy though. I've been able to spend time with Jaysn, Rachel and Steven (who were also sick) and get lots of little boy cuddles, smiles, laughter and still feel very needed. Jeff has been helping Chris and Heather build their home and apparently Isaiah could not get enough time with G-pa and wanted to be his helper this past weekend so he did. That made Jeff so happy and filled his "love tank" to overflowing. Evenings spent cuddled up under fleece throws usually find a purring cat (or two) on my lap at any given moment. Lots of hearty meals have been enjoyed like homemade stew and split pea soup with ham followed by ice cream with homemade huckleberry topping. I'm finally back to being able to make bread again for Jeff and I am enjoying that. Some of my favorite Fall themed pictures have once again found themselves back up on the walls so I can enjoy them and the more Summery ones are put away until it is time to switch things out again. It's funny how little things like that can mean so much to me, but they do. I need to end this post now and try to convince Caesar that it is time to come in from the cold since the sun is getting lower in the sky and the temperature is dropping quickly. Be blessed!