Retired...my hubby told me the other day, after I had yet another night filled with disturbing dreams, that he wanted me to not worry about returning to work and to consider myself retired. I stopped substitute teaching in the Spring of 2015 after a very stressful encounter with a student that left me shaken to my core and that threw me into a downward spiral healthwise. I realized, in that moment, that the job that I once loved and looked forward to each day had become more and more difficult due to changes in society where people were not held accountable for their own actions and many parents no longer taught their children self discipline and responsibility or even cared about how they were harming their children and setting them up for failure by not teaching them to respect others and that it was all about them.
As much as I love teaching and seeing the "light go on" when a child realizes that they have learned something new and feels that wonderful sense of accomplishment, I just cannot deal with not only the apathy that I see in so many kids and their parents, but the disruptive behavior that makes learning and teaching nearly impossible at times. It also upsets me that we have the "No Child Left Behind" mandate that forces teachers to cover tons of information and do so much testing that it leaves little time for students to actually absorb and master the information and skills needed before they move onto the next building block of knowledge. Students all learn at different rates and for those student who struggle to learn new materials, and who need a bit more time and practice on new skills, this is a nightmare for them and leaves them feeling frustrated and defeated. It honestly breaks my heart.
I miss teaching. I miss the many wonderful kids that I have come to love over the years. I miss the hugs, smiles and laughter that I have shared with so many. I miss the dedicated and wonderful teachers and para pros, along with many of the additional support staff at the school. But I don't miss the feeling of frustration when kids just don't care. I don't miss the ones who disrupt the classroom over and over again, with absolutely no fear of the consequences for their actions because they know their parents either won't care or will come unglued on the teacher or the principal for daring to hold Junior accountable for his actions. I don't miss the huge meltdowns of a child who refuses to follow directions because she is not made to follow directions at home. Granted, there are some children who honestly have behavioral issues that also have wonderful and caring parents that are working with their children to help them learn to follow directions and handle their frustration in a healthier way, and I commend those parents for the hard work, time and love that they invest in their child. Those are not the children or parents that I am referring to by any stretch of the imagination.
So I am now, in the words of my sweet hubby, retired. I have not completely shut the door on returning to subbing at some point, but for now, I will happily focus my time and energy on my home and my family. This is not to say that I will no longer be doing some teaching and creating learning materials for some very wonderful students. I am going to be helping my DIL Heather with the homeschooling of my grandboys. :) I can't think of a better way to use all those years of experience of teaching in the public schools, tutoring and also homeschooling my own sons. :) I can help as my health and energy allow and not be stressed out, which leads to "crashes" due to my CFS. All in all, this is a very positive thing for me and it is what is the most beneficial to our family.
I'm sorry that because of what society has become you no longer enjoy or feel safe doing a job you love. I've heard the same from several friends that teach. But helping homeschool grandsons sounds like a nice way to remain a teacher. So happy retirement!
ReplyDeleteHugs
Jane
Thank you Jane. It does worry me as I am seeing more and more good teachers leaving the profession and less young adults going into it. We are going to have a teacher job crisis on our hands here soon if things don't drastically change.
DeleteI've been meaning to ask you for a while - do you have a specific event that started your CFS? Is the horrible experience at school you described in this post the start date for your CFS?
ReplyDeleteI ask because one of the ladies at my garden is into remission for CFS and she asked me that question the other day. I do have a specific date that I attribute to the beginning of my illness. The date was when I had had oral surgery. Although my doctor thinks my CFS had already begun before that dental appointment.
I retired in Dec2009 due to a job layoff. Then a separation in Winter2010 and my divorce attorney strongly suggesting that I not return to work until my divorce was settled. About a week after the divorce finalized, I got sick. Hence, my unplanned retirement. I, too, miss work at times. I miss the companionship of working in an office and as part of a team. But, for the most part, I love not working in my field.
I do have a little part time job as a school crossing guard. I can work as many hours as I'm called for. I love it. I can decide on a day to day basis whether to work or not. It's the perfect job for me right now.
Teaching your grands sounds like a great new career path. A close friend homeschooled her four kids - all now grown adults. So far, three of her grands are being homeschooled. I bet your DIL will appreciate the help.
Cheers, SJ in Vancouver BC
HI SJ. :) I can pinpoint what I believe caused my CFS. One day my son Josh and I were driving into town to do the shopping and a crop duster flew over the road spraying what I believe was Round Up all over us. It came in through the AC vents and splattered all over us. I took a direct hit and my son Josh also got some, but not as much. My immune system crashed and Josh had some problems with his too, but not to the same extent that I did. I have been allergic to Round Up and really sensitive to chemicals ever since. This was also a time of immense stress in our extended family (that seems to go in waves due to the behavior of my husband's siblings) which I believe compounded the problem even more.
DeleteI hit the publish button before I was finished....UGH! I'm sorry you went through a divorce...that is really hard. I do hope though that you are much happier now not having to deal with the stress of that situation.
DeleteBe blessed my friend!
Hi Debbie, I think your husband sounds very kind and wise. If he thinks you should retired, and he knows you best, then do it.
ReplyDeleteMy husband retired at 59 because of health conditions. He has truly improved then as his job was so demanding and stressful. He is happy to be home with me and we are not having any trouble living on his retirement income. For both of us, our quality of life is so much better.
Thanks Rhonda. :) I am so glad that your husband's health has improved so much and that both of your quality of life is better. Jeff and I feel the same way about having me home full time. I love being able to get things done while he sleeps during the day so that it leaves us free to do thing together when he gets up and before he goes to work at night. :)
DeleteWhen your mind or body becomes worn out, you have to listen. I retired long before I thought I would. But when I was thinking when it would happen, I was young and healthy and thought that would never end. Yes, it is sad to leave an occupation you loved, but you are right. You can invest that love of teaching in the Grands, and they will be forever better for it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Barbara. :) You are right about thinking it will go on and on and retirement is some very far off thing when you are young. I never imagined that I would be retired at 53. It's funny how life works. I am so grateful though that I have such a supportive husband who can see that this really is best for me and for us as a family. Be blessed!
DeleteI am so happy that you have the option of retiring now, without having to stress about returning to work. That's wonderful that your husband suggested it. I hope your health continues to improve and you enjoy your retirement. Home schooling your grandsons sound like a lovely plan!
ReplyDeleteThank you Bless. I am really looking forward to helping with the education of my grandsons. :) They are bright and curious little guys with so much energy that makes it hard to keep up with them at times but I would not want them to be any different. :D
DeleteHi Debbie,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better myself. Here in Australia we have the same problems within the education system and this is one of the reasons I decided to home educate. I worked within the school system and saw the disruptive behaviour you mentioned every day. What a wonderful asset your knowledge will be to your grandsons! xx
HI Mel. :) I'm glad that you are able to homeschool your children also. I know first hand what a gift and a huge undertaking it is. It all goes so quickly too doesn't it? :)
DeleteGlad you entered retirement and now you will find everyone wants you to do things for them because they think you got nothing to do. :)
ReplyDeleteYou now can enjoy your grandchildren and your hobbies!!
LOL Angela, you are right about that! ;) It's been that way for years though since my schedule was so flexible with me being able to choose when to work before. It's been a blessing though because now I can not only help my kids and grandkids, but as my husband's parents need more and more help, I can be there for them also. :)
DeleteYou hit the nail on the head with the children of today. It's awful - they have no respect for others nor themselves.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you can sleep at night knowing that you don't have to return to work. It is a good feeling.
You will be helping with your grands and with this blog - you teach everyday.
Sleep well my friend.
Awww...thanks Cheryl. :) I learn so much from you too with your blog.
DeleteBe blessed my friend!
What a wonderful gift, to be able to help homeschool your grandchildren!! I'm sure that will be so rewarding, Debbie, and I'm glad you have a hubby who encourages you to be happy and healthy!
ReplyDeleteThanks Deborah. I'm excited about this new journey. :)
DeleteWOW! What a great journey you have ahead. ") Can I have your email? I would like to talk to you about some things that you mentioned in a comment on my blog. I could use some advice. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHi Chrissy...hmsclmom @ frontier. com without all those spaces. ;) I'd be glad to help you in any way I can. :) Be blessed!
DeleteDebbie I so thoroughly relate to everything you have written. My last full time teaching position ended when a very small 11 year old decided to punch me in the sternum, hard enough and often enough, to leave me well and truly bruised and winded. His father then wanted to do much the same to me. Yes I know and understand all that you have said. For me teaching wasn't just a job, it was a vocation.
ReplyDeleteI still do sub teaching but I am lucky enough to live in an area where I can pick and choose which schools and which classes I will take. Hubby and I came to the conclusion that two days per week provides us with more than enough dollars to keep the bills paid.
Your Grandchildren are so lucky to have a Grandmother with your skills, assisting them in their schooling. This is truly a wonderful way to use your skills and to develop theirs.
So enjoy being retired.
Jane, I am so sorry that you were hurt by that student but even more so by the behavior of the parent of that child. When I was still subbing I felt badly that some of the substitutes would not take jobs in some of the classrooms and I would volunteer to take the more difficult jobs...that was until the last incident.
DeleteI am looking forward to helping with my grandchildren's education, it is yet another chapter in my life. :)
Dear Debbie,
ReplyDeleteI earned my degree to teach English back in the eighties. Since I was unable to obtain a position, I took a job in insurance. When my son was home, I stayed home with him and eventually homeschooled him and my three younger children (still working on it... two to go).
I've thought about what I will do in four years when I finish. Obviously, teaching or subbing came to mind first. I am very hesitant, however. It's a different world. Since we homeschool, we tend to see the cream of the crop regarding behavior. What you've described is what I expect to find if I teach or substitute. I really don't want that, though I admire those who do it.
I guess I need to think about what I want to do when I grow up (25 years later). What I truly want to do is retire and be available for my husband, children, and grandchildren. Money's so tight, I don't know if I will have that choice. But... we've made it this long!
Be blessed!
Laura
Hi Laura, maybe do some tutoring? I have done that in the past. You may also be able to find opportunities to proctor tests for homeschoolers or for online college courses through your library. I am looking into the proctoring thing myself. :)
DeleteHi Debbie. I visited your state and Oregon this summer and it is truly beautiful like your photo shows! I have a degree in marketing education but have never taught, except for volunteering teaching religion at my church in the past. My youngest is finishing up her last year in English education and I sure hope she doesn't meet what you were up against. So sad the world we live in...no morals...no 10 Commandments to answer to.. Change is very stressful in itself...esp for a different stage of life. After some bumpy times, you will be back to your happy life! Andrea
ReplyDeleteHI Andrea, I'm so glad you enjoyed your visit to Washington and Oregon. :) We lived in Oregon for 6 years before moving back up here to be closer to family. I actually starting my teaching career in Oregon. :)
DeleteI do hope your daughter can find a job in her field. I would think that teaching at a private Christian school might be a good option if at all possible for her.
As for me, I am slowly adjusting to this change and have found lots to keep me busy around here. Be blessed!
Hi Debbie...I commented back on my blog but came back to visit here also! I do know people that have taught in a Christian and/or Catholic school (which due to the former busing from the 1970's have a large presence here) for lower pay just for the seriousness of the students and the ease of teaching without having to spent 3/4ths of the class disciplining students. (Although many times this lower pay is just not enough to live off of!) I had some bad students when I student-taught over three decades ago and I felt bad for my good students who were being cheated out of learning because the bad students took up so much of the class time (the principal had a rule that you couldn't send the bad kids to his office, so they had to stay in the classroom!) Andrea
ReplyDeleteAndrea, those kinds of principals drive me nuts! I had one who would just send the kids right back to class with no consequences. I quit subbing at that school for that and a few other reasons and only worked for principals who respected their teachers and substitutes after that.
Delete