Thursday, January 11, 2018
Keeping It Real
I'm sitting here in jammies at 6 p.m. typing up this post on a very wet and cold evening. Now I know that this does not sound like anything unusual right, but here is the catch...these are the same pajamas that I put on last night and still have not gotten out of today. Let's just delve in a little deeper. I came home from our Heather's grandmother's funeral on Monday afternoon, got changed and have been in pajamas daily (well except for a brief time at 1 in the morning when I actually got dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt to run some things down to the library drop box and rummage through the recycling bin at the post office for coupons because Jeff forgot to drop the stuff off at the library on his way out of town for work). I do shower and change my pajamas daily...usually at night.
I had planned on actually getting dressed in non pajama related clothing this week. I even laid out a complete outfit Monday night on the guest bathroom countertop so I could shower and then get dressed in there without disturbing my hubby the following morning. It is still sitting there this Thursday night taunting me. I guess I could use the excuse that I was washing my bras and letting them dry (but I think that 4 days of "drying" was even a bit of a reach for me). I could use the excuse that I am still recovering from that cold (yes, that one sounds plausible), or I could just be totally transparent and real and tell you the real reason (or reasons). I have been struggling, troubled and depressed for a good part of the week, although today was a much better day moodwise.
It started Monday when I saw some of the people that I love most in the world hurting because when they needed their friends and their church family the most, none of them (with the exception of the pastor) showed up at the funeral of their loved one. There were just a small handful of family members present. Oh how I ached for them all. These hurting people are the same ones that are there for their friends, volunteer at their church, give back to their community and go out of the way to help others in their time of need. I could clearly see the hurt in their eyes while we waited to see if any of their friends were going to show up. I tried to put my feelings down into words so many times this week after this happened, but my words were just too filled with anger so I kept deleting my drafts. I did not want to add to the pain that they were already going through.
The weather and these gray days really do affect my mood. It brings on anxiety and depression. Now on a beautiful clear and sunny winter day I am usually filled with joy, but days on end of rain/snow mix tend to get me down. Add to that feeling like I am trapped at home because everyone around me seems to be getting sick with the flu or strep throat (which I have to avoid getting with my history of rheumatic fever and therefore I need to not be around most people and risk getting sick). Also add to that still dealing with the tail end of this cold (at least I hope it is the tail end of it), itchy inner ears and fibro flares along with little sleep and well...it's a recipe for being an emotional mess this week.
Today was a better day though. I watched a squirrel eat a seed pod in the shelter of the big pine tree while the snow swirled around him. I took great delight in finally seeing what had Doofy all up in arms when I spotted a family of quail in our backyard weaving their way in and out of our chain link fence. Our son Josh SKYPEd with Jeff and I and it was so good to actually be able to see him while talking to him. He usually just calls on the phone while on his way to work since he is so busy (yes, he has his phone synced with his truck so he can talk to us hands free and concentrate on the road but will get off it the traffic is really bad). He had some good and encouraging news to tell us which made me so happy and took a huge burden off my heart. 😊 And finally, the weekend is coming and I am feeling like I will be ok to go and spend time with my youngest grandson on Saturday. It has been far too long since I had some time with him (since Christmas) and I am missing him terribly! I did get to spend time with my oldest two grandsons on Monday and that honestly made a very hard day better. Any time spent with those three little loves of mine is something that I treasure.
So yes, it has been a rough week, but it is looking up. I am going to go and take a shower now and get into yet another pair of jammies, but just because it is getting closer to bed time. The plan is to actually get up tomorrow morning and get dressed in those clothes that are still laying out on the counter for me. If it is not raining or icy, I want to go for a walk, even though I know it will have to be a short one since I can't go very far at the moment. I need to make two loaves of fresh bread so we have some for the weekend and for next week also. Wish me luck please.