Just Some Random Thoughts and Confessions

😉  I thought I would give you a peek into my somewhat random thoughts that go running through this sometimes clear and many times not, brain of mine.  Buckle up and I pray this comes out coherently.  My poor long suffering hubby is asleep right now so I can't run it by him before I post this.  He usually helps me find the right words when I cannot come up with them.  Gosh I love that man!

First confession...I am a mixture of "I don't care if I stay in jammies all day or about how I look" to "Oh goodness, I'm having a good hair day...we can't waste that.  Let's go somewhere since I actually look good today".  Hahaha!  Please tell me I am not the only one who functions at both ends of the spectrum. 

Second confession...I really love to read all the comments on my blog and to respond to them as well as read blogs of my friends and comment on them.  However, it may be days or even weeks sometimes before I am able to read and comment and I feel horribly guilty at times about that.  There are also times where I will read someone's blog and think I have commented on it, just to find out later I did not.  Well it's either that or my comment got lost somewhere in cyberspace which has been known to happen.  Sometimes this is due to me being really busy and sometimes, it is due to me not being able to even think clearly enough to concentrate on reading, blogging or commenting.  Please forgive me for this.  Lots of times it is the latter and there is nothing I can do to change my situation.

Third confession...I think I seriously need a 12 step program for my purse and scarf obsession.  I am getting better about the scarves (I don't need anymore since I have 4 boxes and baskets full plus a huge hanging rack full of them) and have not bought any in quite awhile but the purses still just call my name!  They sweetly whisper "buy me, you know you want to" as I walk by them.  I do switch them out the way one switches earrings to match an outfit but even after culling some this past Summer, I have brought even more in.  Thank goodness for thrift stores and cheap prices or my addiction would break the bank!  I added up the cost of the purses I got last week and if I had paid full retail price for all of them, it would have been well over $400.  I spent under $20.  See, I can justify that purchase. ;)  My family has given up on even trying to stop me from buying more...they know it is a lost cause but in my defense, I am getting better about really looking at the bags I am interested in and if I already have something similar, I am putting it back for someone else to find.  

Fourth confession...When I get really angry, I cry.  When I am super happy, I cry.  When I watch a parade, I cry.  When I hear bagpipes, I cry.  I am a very emotional person and when I am overwhelmed or overcome by good or bad things  I cry.  Now in the case of the bagpipes...well I blame that on my Scottish blood because dang it, they really stir something deep inside me. ;)

Fifth confession...I am an extremely loyal person and I have naively expected others to be the same way.  If you are my friend (or family), I will stand by you and go out of my way to help you through anything I can.  I have been blindsided more times than I want to even count by people who I thought were my friends (or again family) who just used me and then tossed me aside when they no longer had need of me or when they found that they could not control me.  The worst are the people who actually lied about things...stupid things.  I am now learning to be more selective about who I let into my "circle" and am walking away from relationships that are not working for me anymore.  It is called self love and valuing myself as a person.  It's taken me a long time to get here, but I am finally making good progress.  I feel so much better not having to worry about what those people may be doing or saying now because honestly it is a reflection on who they are, and not who I am.

Sixth confession, the older I get, the more of a homebody I am. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I dislike people in general, it's just that I am so uncomfortable in big crowds now.  I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone and am a very friendly person, but there is so much negativity out there and also lack of common courtesy that I find so maddening.  My patience level for hateful, mean spirited and obnoxious people is next to zero at this point in my life and it's better for me to just stay clear of them.  I am my mother's daughter and it is really hard for me to keep my own mouth shut when something or someone is really bothering me. ;)

Seventh confession...I can't stand the "Lawrence Welk Show".  My grandfather used to love it and make me watch it with him and my grandmother.  All I wanted to do was escape and read a book in the bedroom but he would not allow that.  He also would not allow me to read a book while the show was on.  Reading was the main way I "escaped" from things in my life when I was a child because it transported me into another place.  My grandfather did not understand that about me.  He also made me watch the nightly news with the gory pictures from the Vietnam war.  I was a young child then and was and still am haunted by those images.  He told me I needed to learn about the horrors of war.  It gave me nightmares!  He had family that was killed in the Holocaust and I'm sure he was just trying to make sure that I would be part of the generation to never let something that evil happen again.  He did not understand though that I was a child who was not yet mentally ready to deal with all of that.  I think I associate Lawrence Welk with the awful stuff on the news because they were back to back shows and about the controlling nature of my grandfather.  I  did love him, despite our rather tumultuous relationship, and when I became an adult we forged a very deep and close relationship, one that had been lacking in my childhood.

Eighth  confession...I am a serious weather and natural disaster freak!  I love weather reports and am fascinated by natural disasters.  I have always been this way.  Maybe it is because I grew up on an island with an active volcano that we used to go and watch and I saw first hand how the lava would just burn and cover anything in it's path.  Maybe it was having all those earthquake and tsunami drills in school and knowing that the ocean, while beautiful and life giving, could also wipe entire towns out as it had done in years past on the other side of the island I lived on.  Maybe it was the funnel clouds that formed over the ocean and ripped a path of destruction though our sleepy little fishing village.  Whatever it was, it has always fascinated me.   I think it is because it is something that is totally out of our control and something so powerful and beyond us.

Ninth confession...I must have a cat in my life!  I cannot function well without a cat in my home.  Cats have alway been a great source of comfort to me.  My grandmother recognized this and gave me 2 kittens during a very difficult period in my childhood.  We had cats in our home during my childhood from then on until we sold our home and were building a new one.  My mom made us give away our cat because we would be living in rentals and they did not allow cats.  Our dog went to live with our new neighbors who were also our contractors and were building our new home so we still got to see Plato about 4 times a week and once the house was finished he just trotted across the lawn to live with us again.  I did not cope well that year at all. As soon as we moved into the new house, we got cats again.  In college, my apartment did not allow pets, but there was a very friendly big tom cat that came to visit me on a daily basis and I loved him!  I bought a cat for my hubby for Father's Day when we were still just dating because he could have cats at his place. ;)  I think the most time I have been without a cat since we got married was 3 days.  Once was when we moved to Oregon and then again after our Daisy died and we had to wait to bring Doofy cat home after he got his last shots.  Is anyone else like this about dogs or cats?

Tenth confession...my husband and I are one of  "those couples."  You know, the ones that you see holding hands, always saying "I love you" to one another and hugging.  Our Rachel says we are "schmoopy".  LOL!  She says it is a very good thing. ;)  Both she and our Heather were not sure what to make of Jeff and I and our closeness because their parents did not have the same kind of outwardly affectionate relationship that Jeff and I share.  They have learned to love it though and are glad that we led by example and our sons are following their daddy's way of how to treat their own wives.

So there you have it.  Ten rather scattered confessions!  If you have been able to follow along, stuck with me and understand this then you get 10 brownie points for doing so! ;)