Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Things I Wish Young Men and Women Would Consider BEFORE They Get Married
Wedding Season is quickly approaching and we already have received a wedding invitation from a precious couple whom we love dearly. We are thrilled for them because we know that they both are entering into this marriage as mature responsible adults who have many life experiences behind them and each of them know who they are as a person.
Right off the bat, I am going to admit that I was pretty young when I got married. I met my husband when I was 19, got engaged on my 21st birthday and married the following Spring. We will be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary next month. Both my husband and I have worked hard and continue to in our marriage in order to keep it strong. We have grown together because we are committed to one another and our family. Looking back at our marriage and those of others that we know and love here are a few things that I believe are crucial to the success of a marriage:
1. Each person should have enough life experience behind them to know exactly who they are and they should feel good about themselves. That does not mean they are perfect by any means. We all have flaws and areas we need to work on, but we need to "own" those flaws and be comfortable and confident in our own skin.
2. Each person needs to be a mature and responsible adult. I'm sure that most of us have done questionable and maybe even stupid things in our past, but it needs to be left there...in the past. Some examples of these things are going out partying frequently, not being financially responsible, getting in trouble with the law, going out to "play" instead of taking care of things that need to be taken care of on a regular basis, being selfish, etc..
3. A marriage should never be entered into for the following reasons: to escape something, so that someone will take care of you, because you are lonely, or you feel like this may be your only chance at getting married.
4. A marriage should be about two people, who genuinely want the best for one another, who build each other up, who are willing to not only put 100% into it at all times. but are willing to stick to it when times get rough. And trust me, times will get rough.
5. You should NEVER marry someone who makes you feel small, stupid, unloved, unwanted or who is controlling, manipulative, abusive (verbally or physically) or who you find yourself afraid of, nervous around or unsure of. If you have any doubts or concerns in any of these areas....run the other way fast! Also, if you doubt their, or your ability to be faithful, don't marry them!
6. The person you marry should be your best friend. They are the one who you feel the most comfortable with, the one you trust unconditionally, the one who has proven that they are there for you and you for them. You should be able to talk about anything and everything. You should have lots of things in common with one another and the same core values. You should agree on important things like whether or not to have children, discipline of those children, finances, budgets, your faith and how that will play out in your marriage, especially if you come from different viewpoints.
7. You are willing and ready to make your relationship a top priority. This means that your marriage comes before your relationships with friends, other family and even work. If you put those things above your marriage, it is doomed to fail. That does not mean that your friendships, work and other family members are not also important, but it is a balancing act, with your marriage relationship weighing in heavier than other relationships.
8. You are ready to really sacrifice for your spouse and for your future children, should you have them. You will have to give up things that you may enjoy in order to make ends meet financially. You also will have to put things on hold for awhile, in order to meet the needs of your spouse and children.
9. You are happy just to spend time together. It does matter where you are. You don't need to be going out all the time to have fun. You are perfectly happy to spend a quiet evening at home. Just being together is what matters.
10. You are committed to this person for your life, through good times and bad. You do not go into it thinking if it does not work out, you can get a divorce. We live in a world where divorce in commonplace but people do not consider the damage that it does. Don't get me wrong, there are times when divorce is necessary, like in the cases of abuse, or infidelity, but if you really know the person and have considered the reasons above, then you have more of a chance of having a successful marriage than someone who has not.
I really hope that if you are reading this, and you are considering marriage, that you take these things to heart. I would love to see more people go into marriages with their eyes wide open and knowing beyond a doubt that they are marrying the right person for the right reasons. May your future be bright and very blessed!