To be perfectly transparent, I have no idea exactly what this blog post is going to include as I start it or it it will even make sense. Call it the mad ramblings of a woman who has been sleep deprived for years and prays to God that she will get more than 28 minutes in the deep sleep cycle (the one where the body heals itself) a night. It does not matter how many hours of sleep I eventually get, but the quality of that sleep is what matters and mine is severely lacking in that department. Sleep medications do not help me get into that deep cycle and just make me feel hungover and the other medications that I have tried have the same effect. This had led to some interesting days around here. Throw in the pain that comes with Fibromyalgia also, and let's not forget the anxiety and depression that rear their ugly heads. The struggle has been hard and real lately.
I was doing pretty well with keeping the anxiety and depression under control there for quite awhile and was honestly taken aback when it started to become a problem again. I thought that maybe my medication to help me deal with it needed to be adjusted again. Then I had 2 fairly good days and I realized that maybe something was triggering it. I thought about when I started struggling again and what brought that on and then what had been different the past two days when I had not been having issues. There was a common factor.
Sensory Overload is something that I have struggled with for most of my life and I did not know that it and the migraines that I have had since childhood could also be related to Fibromyalgia. Lights, chaos, crowds, noises, smells, even texture and temperature along with colors can really upset me and send me into a flare. I noticed that my ramping up coincided with some loud and obnoxious sounds in our neighborhood and then stopped for two days when that sound was not present.
Here is the thing though, I can do what I can to mitigate and dampen the sounds, but I cannot totally eliminate them since I have no control over the person who is making and causing them. I have felt like my home, which had been my sanctuary, has been unfairly invaded by these horrible noises. I can't just shut all the windows and doors this time of year because I need to have air circulating to keep things cool and dry in our home and the fur babies need to be able to come in and out off the back porch.
Sometimes it feel like a dark cloud is coming in and taking over. I just want to retreat from it and feel safe in my home. Is that too much to ask?
Added the next day:
I thought I was basically done with this post until I discovered some really disturbing information on someone who has caused me deep pain as a child that I am still trying to work through. Upon learning about the information, it sent my anxiety through the roof. It also brought back horrible memories for me, some of which I had been suppressing for years. I was not able to sleep until my husband got home at 6:30 a.m. on Wednesday at which time I totally collapsed and was out for about 3 1/2 hours. I was in full on fight or flight mode until then. Here it is 3:25 a.m. on Thursday morning and I am so tired but still wired. I desperately need to sleep but my mind and body will not allow it. Praying that sleep will come soon...I'm running on fumes and that continues the vicious anxiety loop that I seem to be in once again.