Perfect Storm and then the Crash

   It was good while it lasted.  I was able to push through for a long time but then the storm clouds of life gathered, the "clouds" got way too filled up with things and the "sky" opened up.  

   July 9th is always a hard day for me.  My birthday is the 8th of July and my grandmother's was the 9th.  We celebrated together for many years and we had a very special connection.  Yesterday was the first day that I was able to celebrate quietly without being sad about not having her here.  Then a few minutes after midnight, I wished her a happy heavenly birthday and still could not sleep.  Shortly after that, I learned that a friend had died on the 3rd of July.  The heaviness that I felt in my heart and in my body was overwhelming.  I finally was able to drift off to sleep around 3 in the morning.

   My body feels like lead today.  I had to drag myself out of bed around 12:30 p.m. and believe me, I would have much preferred to just stay there but the fur babies needed my attention.  I got the coffee going and upon trying to pour myself a cup, I struggled to just lift the 4 cup pot.  Walking is painful, moving is painful and I look like a sloth with arthritis.

   Jeff got up shortly after that and took one look at me and knew...  He told me that I was going to stay put and not do anything for the rest of the day.  He headed out to pick more cherries off the tree and I got a snack.  All I could manage was cheese and crackers that required little to no effort on my part.

   I thought after awhile that I might be able to get something done, so I slowly made my way outside and down 3 stairs to the backyard so I could pick some raspberries.  Two raspberries in and I could barely lift my arms again.  Plan "B" came into play at this point.  I got the hot tub heating up to 94F so that Jeff and I could hot tub in about an hour.  It is a hottish day outside, so that is the perfect temperature to keep us cooler but not chill us down too  much so my muscles cramp up.  I may end up taking an adult beverage out with me when I hot tub.  Pain meds don't touch this kind of pain for me but alcohol will take the edge off enough sometimes so that I am no longer nauseous from the pain.  

   Life with Fibromyalgia is unpredictable.  When I have my family here, I push through and put all my energy into being fully present with them.  It is exhausting, but worth it to me.   The minute they leave though, I find myself in bed for the most part.  Some days I am able to accomplish some tasks around the house and I feel really proud of myself for having done so.  Today is NOT one of those days.  Today is a crash day, and a pretty bad one at that.  I am praying it is just a day long and not a week long or more crash.  I have a wedding to go to on Saturday and then we head to Montana on Sunday.  Car rides are not fun when I am in severe pain.  Hoping I can get a good night's sleep tonight and feel better in the morning.