Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Regrets, I Have a Few

  Do you ever look back on your life so far and have regrets about some of the decisions you made or the things you did?  I think all of us have things that we wish we had done differently.  Some may have been minor and we can laugh about it now while  others may have had a long lasted effect and changed the course of our lives.  I was thinking about some of those things as I sat outside on a cold morning having my cup of coffee (it is one of my favorite things to do to wake me up when I am feeling groggy).  I thought I would share some of my regrets here...the funny as well as the more serious.

1.  While in college I decided I wanted some highlights in my hair to match the ones that I previously had from the sun in Hawaii.  Unfortunately the person at the beauty salon had no idea what they were doing and I ended up with gray streaks instead of soft brownish red ones.  Luckily Jeff has a great sense of humor and we just called them "previews of coming attractions".  Now that I have actual strands of silver in my hair, I like these natural highlights even better! 😛

2.  Looking back I wish Jeff and I had gotten married in Hawaii where I grew up as originally planned.  I gave up my dream wedding at one of the most special and healing places in my life and was not able to have my childhood friends celebrate with us (and have one of my best friends as my maid of honor and in our wedding) and meet the wonderful man I was marrying.  I did not want to put any financial pressure on my hubby's parents with the cost to fly there, so I gave it up for them.

3.  I wish we had been able to buy some property that was zoned for farm animals.  I so want to have goats, chickens and a pot bellied pig.  I secretly think my hubby is glad that we were not able to though.  LOL!

4. Having homeschooled our boys for most of their school years and seeing how amazing they turned out, I would have started doing that even sooner.  It would have saved my oldest sons years of feeling "dumb" as he put it.  He has ADHD and it was hard on him in an environment where he was not getting the support and help he needed.  Bringing him home and his brothers home for school and spending a year rebuilding his confidence in himself was hard for him and for us, but so worth it!  All of my boys are now successful, kind and respected people who have gone out and accomplished their goals and continue to give back to their communities.  Nothing can stop those sons of mine when they set their hearts on accomplishing something!

5. There are times when I look back and wish I had been more cautious about who I let into my life and who I trusted.  I also tended to forgive people over and over again for hurting me.  Being able to forgive is a good thing but I really should have seen a pattern in some of them and walked away realizing that the relationship was one sided and/or even toxic.

6. I regret not putting money away for retirement.  We made huge financial sacrifices to homeschool our kids thinking that I would be able to return to work full time teaching once they were out on their own not having any clue that I would have health issues that would prevent that from happening and leading to me not being able to work outside the home for more than a few hours a week now.

7. I wish now that I had continued with piano lessons.  I can still read music and play but nowhere near what I would like to be able to.  Playing piano was a way for me to relieve stress and express my emotions when I could not find the words to do so.  Sadly I gave away my piano years ago now.

8. If my hubby would agree to it, I would become the crazy cat lady.  I love cats and I would be overjoyed to be able to give forever homes to lots of kitties that are sitting in shelters right now.  I do understand where he is coming from though since he is the one who cleans the cat box.  He also says Doofy has the energy and gets into as much trouble as multiple cats, so yes, there is that too. 😉  I really wished I had pushed harder though to bring Doofy and another furry friend home from the Humane Society.  I think it is too late now to convince Jeff that we need another cat.

9. I regret not spending more time with my grandmother Summer I turned 20.  I took a trip home to visit my family in Hawaii and my dear grandmother was weaker than she has been the last time I saw her which had been a year and a half before that.  A few days before I was to return back to Idaho, I spent part of the day with her and cooked her favorite dinner for her and my grandfather. We cuddled up next to each other, looking through old photo albums and talked about this special man named  I had just met a few days before coming home and she told me I was going to marry him.  My grandmother asked me to stay and share the dinner I had cooked for her but I had plans with friends and limited time to see everyone.  As I hugged my grandmother goodbye and told her how much I loved her, I knew in my heart that was the last time I would ever get feel her arms around me and that it was the last time we would ever be together in person.  I wish I hand cancelled my plans with my friends and spent that time with Grandma instead.  My grandmother died the following February.  Before her stroke, she told people that Jeff and I would get married (we starting dating 5 months after we first met) and that he would take good care of me.  She was right, we got engaged on my 21st birthday.  My grandmother was the one person in my life up until then that loved me unconditionally and who I knew I could always count on.  She understood me in a way that no one else did.  She and I shared a very deep connection and could communicate across miles without words.  We just "knew".  Grandma was right about my Jeff, he does take good care of me and he loves me unconditionally, just like Grandma did.

10.  My last regret is that I was not a more patient mother to my children when they were little.  We were under huge financial stress at them time and there were things going on with my oldest son at school that I did not know about that caused him to completely change.  I did try to find out what was causing the changes but was lied to by his then teacher over and over again.  His behavior changed so drastically and I did not know that my poor kid was being singled out for undo punishment and ridicule by the teacher and that was causing him to act out at home.  She even hit him!  I wish the parents that were in the classroom and saw what was happening to my son would have spoken up sooner, but they were in fear of retaliation against their child if they said anything (that is what they told me).  Once I found out what was really going on, I did take measures to protect my son and every other student at that school and she no longer had a job there.  I regret punishing him for his acting out behavior before I knew the truth about what was really going on.  Thank God he does not remember those times. 

   So yes, regrets I have a few.  I'm sure that every one of us wished we had been a better parent at times, spent more time with loved ones, made different choices on who we let into our lives or possibly even career paths.  We have learned from all of them...too bad some of those lessons were so hard and had such long reaching effects.




19 comments:

  1. I think we all have some regrets. People who say they don't must be living in a bubble, or simply lying to themselves.

    Hugs
    Jane

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    1. :) Hi Jane, I hope they enjoy that bubble. ;)

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  2. That is so neat you are from Hawaii! Hindsight is always 20/20! Each mistake we think we make, makes us a better person when we realize it (the mistake). I certainly wish I was a nicer mom with more patience, understanding, and love. But I think that is why God lets us become grandmothers for! Andrea

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    1. I love that thought Andrea about God letting us become grandmothers. :) Be blessed!

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  3. I think we all have things in our past we would change if we could. Let's face it, we're human!

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    1. Debbie, we are all in the same boat aren't we? :) Praying the bear has not made a return visit to your place.

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  4. Thanks for opening up so much in this post.I've spent the last few years working at coming to terms with several big regrets in my life. Most days, I think I've grown and am not holding on to them so tightly. I've come to appreciate the saying 'look back but don't stare'. For a long time, the regrets would almost paralyze me. One of the ideas that has helped me to heal is to know that everything I've gone through has made me the person I am today. For the most part, most days, I like myself and my life.
    Hugs, SJ

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    1. HI SJ, I read your reply to Jeff about "look back but don't stare" and he said "that is really good!" I agree! I'm glad that you are in a good place in your life. :) Be blessed!

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  5. Oh goodness, I can related to quite a few of these! I too have had silver highlights and forgiven people over and over again that I shouldn't have. And I would definitely be the crazy dog lady if my husband would let me. I also regret not spending enough time with my grandma before she died. It's one regret I'll always have, I'll never be able to get rid of it. Our regrets help us learn though, I know now I need to spend all the time I can with those I love for life is short. I'm a lot more appreciative :-)

    Hope you are having a great week Debbie!

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    1. Jessica, it's the grandma regret here too that haunts me. What I would not give to have more time to her. I, like you, have come to cherish those moments with those I love. Be blessed my friend!

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  6. Oh honey... everyone has regrets. I regret so many things in my life, but you know what? All of it taught me lessons I needed to learn or kept me in check to not do things that would make my life worse. I look back and know that the hardest times in my life brought me to where I am and I'm happy. Who knows what the future holds, but the happiness now is worth it.

    (((hugs)))
    rue

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    1. Rue, you are right, as always my friend. :) I am so glad that you have found love again!

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  7. It is those regrets that help us to form into what we become. By thinking on things we wished we did differently we can use that knowledge to improve on what we become. You regretted not stepping in earlier for your son. When you did, you took that knowledge and turned your sons life around. Well done you. If we don't use the regrets to commit positive change then we become embittered. I don't think this is you at all.

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    1. YOu are a wise woman Jane. :) I don't want to become embittered, just better. :) Be blessed my friend!

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  8. Debbie, how sweet of you to open up to every one.
    I am sure there are some things everyone regrets. Spending more time with my parents would be my big one and learning more from them and asking more questions.

    Other than that - not a lot. I am who I am because of the decisions and choices I made - good or bad. I have finally gotten to a point in my life that I like myself.
    God leads us in many directions so that we may end up where we are supposed to be!!
    Life is full of give and take - but it's the journey that we need to enjoy.
    Blessings my friend

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    1. HI Cheryl, I am blessed to still have my parents in my life and I do spend as much time as I can with them. I learn new things about them and their past with each and every visit. :)

      I, like you, am finally to a place where I like myself. It has been a long and hard journey at times to get there, but I no longer feel the need for "others approval" of me. And yes, God does lead us in many directions doesn't He? I keep reminding myself that if we had not made the decision to move back up here to be closer to my husband's parents (despite all the heartache and stress that has come with that move), we would not have the amazing daughters (in-law) that we have nor the sweet grandbabies that all bring such joy to our lives. Thank you my friend for that wonderful reminder!

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  9. I do think we all wish we were more patient parents. I know I do, but we do the best we can. Our sweet children don't come with owner's manuals so we have to figure it out on our own. Just look at your boys. You did just fine.

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  10. Yes, I have regrets too. As others have said before, hindsight is 20-20. I guess all we can say is we tried to do our best under the circumstances. (((HUGS)))

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